Friday, September 10, 2010

My Confession

Wow weee, I am back, walking albeit gingerly but I am in “da” house!!! So how has everyone been? Did I hear you all try to tell me what you’ve been up to all at once? Say what? Well maybe I should start with me. Well as I got on that boat, you know the non-stop express to my next destination I was so busy being excited and rejoicing that I was finally leaving and getting on to the next level to the point that I almost did like the Israelites did when they left the land of Egypt. I was so busy doing the break dancing of touching my head, gyrating my hips, moving my legs in and out and moving my hands from side to side, that I had almost forgotten my Source.

Could you believe it. Since during these past four years I was pretty much on my own, I literally had God for company. I would holler at Him, have some deep and meaningful discussions with Him, and talk to Him on my way to work, to the airport, to the train station, to the market square, to the church, to the Gelaritaria, where ever I was I just had to talk to Him, because let’s face it, I had nobody to talk to, I mean literally. My good friends went home most weekends and my out of the country / continent friends, well you know how it is. On all of my long walks I would talk to Him. Even when the journey felt a tad too long and quite frankly unfair (you know the why me sagas J), I knew I had no choice, nowhere else to go, because the bottom line was JESUS Is both the WAY and HAS the WORDS to life. And in the words of Peter, to whom can I even think of going to: "Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” – John 6:68. As in really think about it, even if you are fed up, angry, depressed, frustrated, and want to just leave and turn away from God, where would you go? Which one is better (:)). Trust me, NONE is as good as Him. “No one do me like He do me”!!

I always knew that regardless of what was going on in my life there was no better place to be than to be smack bang in the middle of that trial, test or as some has called it, the valley experience. I mean look at me now J. We may never believe it, but it sure is for our greater good [2 Corinth. 4:17 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory]. Think about it. To enter into any of these prestigious universities, the exams are not like the “simple simple things” my young 8 year old cousin once complained about when he was told that Mimi my baby cousin had come first in her class and Mimi is 4years old - I guess first in waking up J - but I digress.

Now that I am at this end, and looking back, I have now realised that the time spent in the wilderness was indeed the BEST four years of my ENTIRE life. I felt a connection that was that close to God and I knew that my isolation was for my own good. And then He went and sent me back to my people, significantly more than when I left all those years ago. I felt like JJC that had just landed in “obodo oyibo”; see television where people spoke in English. I ate slept, woke up, watched television, went to the Cinema and watched all of the films that I could not get to see because I was in a foreign land. Kept trying to reacclimatise myself and my “funetics” :) and started going to the theatre where they sang in English. I was indeed back to civilization (no more in the mountains of Italy or the beautiful hills of Blacksburg). And as time went by, days turned into weeks, weeks into months and slowly I began to realise that my spirit was slowly getting disconnected from my Jehovah. I had started to get busy and the time spent dissecting His word had become non-existent. And then I started to wonder, if God would have had to say to HIMSELF, did He make a mistake in bringing lifeofastranger to her land of more than enough? I guess I started to feel a bit bad, and had to start telling the Good Lord that He didn’t make a mistake, and it was not a terrible thing to bless me.

My Lord and my God in any way I have sinned against you and walked in the ways of the children of Israel when you took them to their promised land please God forgive me. Have mercy on me and do not treat me as my sins deserved.

I realised one morning when I was busy getting busy that I could no longer understand what I was doing and my ability to remember was decreasing, and it hit me. The reason my mind had run a blank was because the Words to life that it functioned on had emptied itself. And only 12 weeks had passed since my return. I knew I had to go back to my Source and back to the familiar, back to the way it used to be. Back to the times when only He and His Words mattered, nothing and no one else. I had forgotten all this while that God’s Word was the very foundation on which He built my success on. I could see it. I didn’t need to be told the significance of the WORD of God for my daily survival. Indeed I have found Him to be my sustenance and survival [Acts 17:28a - for in Him we live and move and have our being]. I started to become forgetful, loose focus and remember the things that people did to me J. When did this all start? How else would I have known that these are so not the exhibits of the fruits of the spirit [Galatians 5:22; 2 Peter 1:5-8]. It’s all in His word.

So here I am back to my love. And I would be a fool to let the bright lights of civilization dim out the light of His Hope that burns in me. Receiving my breakthrough is not the end, but instead the beginning of a new journey. I must see to it that I don’t repeat the mistakes of the past that incurred previous debilitating problems in my life or else worse could happen. I have indeed found that my ability to succeed is most definitely tied into how much I know of His Word (which is tantamount to how much time I spend in His Word). You see His Word is Life to they that find it [Proverbs 4:20-21]. If you don’t believe me check it. Check it!! [Jeremiah 23:28-29; Isaiah 55:10-11]

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have written exactly what I have been trying to explain. I strayed, came back when I was in my dark point and He that is so faithful brought me out and I am so in love with Him that I can't help but love him even more.

Myne Whitman said...

|Welcome back dearie. Have a lovely week. God will always be there for us with open arms even when we stray.

Jaycee said...

Favorite post for the day. No matter what, we always need to remember our SOURCE. And He's always there waiting for us to remember our FIRST love.

I love this. Welcome back *wink*

Anoda Phase said...

Got here from Jaycee's blog and I'm glad I came by.

Yes it's really easy to be close to God when we feel down and out, and them relegate him to a corner when we get that breakthrough we've been praying for...

Thank God that He's a merciful father...I'm glad you've retraced your steps...I definitely need to remember to stay on track with my source, even after the breakthru is achieved...

Thanks for sharing this...

Kafo said...

thank you soo much for sharing your experience

i've been running on empty for a while now and it took a misstep on my part for me to realize it

stay beautiful

Tisha said...

I'll try to appreciate the wilderness
i atually do prefer the land of milk and honey
cos when its all good, i still love God
Its only that i get at ease in Zion.