Friday, February 29, 2008

What must I tell?!

I must talk about His faithfulness and truth.

Yes, I must talk about His goodness and how trustworthy He trully is.

I must thank God for All He has done for me. He has been too too good to me.

He rocks.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I went searching!!!

Dedicated to Udo. Happy Belated Birthday dearest. Right. Hope your birthday was a blast. Happy birthday again, love always.

I went searching for a star

I looked up to heaven. Heaven. Heaven said: you don’t need a star

‘What do I need’? I asked heaven.’ You need to find out yourself’ heaven says

I went searching for a path.

I look down to the Earth. Mother Earth says: ‘you’ve missed your path’

‘What do I need’? I asked Mother Earth.’ I don’t know’ Mother Earth says. Keep on searching.

I went searching for a test

I looked across to Fire. Fire says.’ Man, you’ve been thoroughly tested you’re akin to pure metal. You’ve not lost steam and you have enough heat. Continue your search

I went searching in the sea

I asked the sea. ‘Open your belly, uncover your secrets, and tell me what I seek you treacherous entity. tell me now or a curse on you I place’.

The sea roared and answered ‘ingrates all of you. Always, you remember my worst and not my best. I would return a curse on you as well but I pity you as your heart is heavy. You need no more voyages. Your search will not end here’

I went searching in the Wind

Swift entity, whisk me away, whisper in my ear, what am I looking for. I implore you. You enter every nook and cranny, you are in every crevice, you hear the whisper of lovers, and you must know what I seek.

The Wind answered. Although I love your flattery still I’m unable to help you. Your search confuses even me so please go ask the heavens

I went searching in the heaven- again

‘Will you help me now’?

Hmmm even I can not aid a search that is complete.

You cannot look for what you already have

You don’t need to look for what you never lost

I think you know what I am talking about

But it was good you searched so you know for sure

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Am I in danger?

Yesterday was a good day, I spoke, and I bared my heart

Yet, alas it was to a total stranger

Is he? Am not quite sure about that.

That Man. I try to figure him out. Is he a trader?

A Collector of secrets? A man of tact, perhaps a buyer of fact?

Am torn between familiar emotions. Mostly anguish and anger.

For yet again I have laid my life flat

Am I now at mercy of this stranger?

Am I in danger?

My daydream for this stranger

This dream in Technicolor confuses all my facts

I ask myself: what is his agenda?

How could one call start such a pact?

Is this going to be positive and a life changer

What is going to be the impact?

Am I in danger from this stranger?

Is he still? Am not sure of that.

His heart speaks to mine so what is the danger?

Show restrain? Caution and tact? Find out more about his heart?

One thing I know for a fact: There’s no danger with this stranger

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I'm not sure what's going on!

But I like it. Very very much.


Something Great is really unfolding. And I can only be a spectator.

I have found myself a very comfortable seat. And I am watching it all unravel.

Could this be it? That which I have saught so hard for, that eluded me for so long?

Wednesday, February 06, 2008


Many times I have wondered. Wondered what it is about God why He continues to stand by me, always by my side, even though He already knows the end. That in the end I will never fail to dissappoint Him, but He still refuses to give up.

"My parents commited adultery
. My dad had many wives, sons and daughters at the time He met my mum. He killed her husband just so that He can posses her. In the end in His mercy He forgave my parents, made me ruler - even though it was never my position nor inheritance. I grew in favour with Him, was wealthy beyond my wildest imagination. The richest person in the world, but in the end I left HIM. Yes, I left God, even though I had tasted and knew He was good. Even after what He did for me, what I saw, How He opened doors, favour and unimaginable blessings. I still found worshiping Him a chore, and sought for worthless things" - (2 Sam. 11; & 1Kings 1-11) - Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

"My parents again, were childless
. But one things I could give my dad credit for was He stood by my mum. He loved her still, and didn't marry another. So when the angel of the Lord appeared to her to start expecting my arrival to them, how they asked God to show them how they will raise me. They praised God and thanked Him for His goodness and His revelations on how to raise me the way of the Lord. But when I could stand by my own two feet, instead of following the way that pleases God, the way my parents had taught me, I flirted with danger, fell in-love with a deceiver, a deceiver whom I told everything that the Lord asked me to keep in order to protect myself. So that in the end by my very own words I brought about my destruction - (Judges 13 - 16). Though in the very end, I still found that God was still by my side walking with me still refusing to give up on me". Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

"Should I keep going on - I am too embarrased to give more examples. I am trully ashamed.
Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

I really don't understand what it is about me, that causes God to have GREAT plans for me even before I was conceived. That Causes Him to celebrate in Heaven each time I take a breath. That causes Him not to sleep or slumber just so that I don't get overwhelmed, just so that He can keep watch over me. I don't understand what it about God that He lavishes so much time, resources on "me" even though He knows that one way or the other I will turn out to dissappoint Him. My goodness, what is it about you God that you are so very mindful of me. Then I realised, this is why He asked that I take each day as it comes.
Each second and every minute. Because I don't know tomorrow, He knows. The problems and heart ache I will cause Him with my unbelief and waywardness. Even though He is a God of seasons, our God of yesterday, today and tommorow, He is also a God of "MOMENTS". Cherishing us. Still seing the best in us, even though he knows how we will trun out.

Father I ask that as you have given me another chance that You enable me to in the end not dissappoint you. To say like paul, I managed to finish the race by keeping the faith -
2 Tim. 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Dear Lord I have started to imagine myself, your very own who stood to the very end still holding onto you. That my very end will not dissappoint you.