Living in the illusions of the Future: I was blind

A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps – Prov. 14:15

Journeying to the future born out of one’s imagination is by no means an easy feat, but when you’ve lived in it for too long, you can’t help but wonder why your present leaves a blazing trail of blunders; which then becomes tantamount to what we now perceive as the past. I have been such a fool, whom from a young age lacked appreciation of the present, living on what the imagination of future had to offer.

“At a very young age, I longed for when I would be in my teens, the age I knew for sure all my desires and dreams would come true (I know many do, but mine was unlike the others). O yes, how I longed to wear those coloured shoes, have my nails painted, and wear those earrings mum forbade me to wear. I am now in my teens, struggling with my exams, forgotten completely those coloured shoes, hair styles and nail polish colour, and longed instead for when I will be in my twenties, how I will have that man, you know the one that looks like that one in the magazines (J) with that certain hair cut style, and how wonderful my life would be, as we stroll in the Amazon forest, and write stories, that will be our legacy for years to come. I am now in my twenties, trying to finish my first degree and Ph.D, and now longing for a new destination. O how wonderful my life would be when I get there”. Always how “wonderful my life would be when I get there”. Isn’t it a wonder then why stories told by others became more fascinating than mine?

Then one day, last month, this month, last week, this week, today, this time, as I pondered on how to tell him, my attempted journeys to the future which has left a trail on the present, how I’ve been a fool and lacked discernment, how I’ve believed the stories of others instead of the story about me, I couldn’t help but wonder, was it all worth it. Was it worth disregarding today’s present, the future of the past, the story the Lord had written concerning me, for a nightmare that was only believable in my imagination; a dream in itself worthless that only visited me in my sleep.

The Lord had blessed me greatly indeed; even more so now, but I was blind, and was too zealous for the images of the future. In my haste to live in it, I threw caution to wind, cared nothing of the present, if only I could get closer to the future. If only I had taken care, the future, now the present would not have been a nightmare of sorts; but for God who in my chase of the dream, comforted me in the aftermath. Today I watched you smile as you gently reminded me of yet another present blunder, and how you spoke so highly of me yet to another. Dear Lord, how could you continue to speak so highly of me, when I’m still struggling in the mire of the past present? Why was the illusion of the future more alluring than the living of the present? How did I miss the present completely all my life, only to find the future present, with a trail that leads deep into the past. What was I looking for? How did I allow myself to be distracted from the goal the Lord Jesus set before me? - But the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful – Mark 4:19; But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness - James 3:17-18; For it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is – Ephesians 5:14-17.

Dearest Father, for so long now I can’t quite remember the last time I said thank you for my awesome life, my job and the opportunities You’ve given me in the last three years to see the world that You created. All I’ve ever done is bicker, whine and complain. I don’t remember the last time I said thank you especially for my life that you have enabled me to live in peace, and the “protection programs” you’ve signed me up for. I can’t remember the last time I took the time out to say thank you for my health and the life of all my family, friends, loved ones and colleagues. You have hedged me in so and have refused to allow sorrow near my abode and for that Lord I want to say thank you.

Dearest Saviour it is my desire to do Your will and have an understanding of all that it requires (Ephesians 5:10). Thank You Lord for helping me to realize that my life ought to reflect a life firmly based on Your word (Joshua 1:18-19; Romans 10:16-17; Ephesians 6:17; Hebrews 4:12; 2 Timothy 3:16; John 14:26), and to be vigilant of the words of others (Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient – Ephesians 5:6). I thank you Lord for my present, because I know I don’t need to plan about how I will live in the future, because You Lord have already taken care of it.

So Today, I am declaring to my Lord Jesus where I have gone wrong; that I am now able to recognise real change and true deliverance; that the vision of the brightness of the Lord Jesus is ever before me; and that because I remember where I am coming from I am ready to appreciate where I am going to. And therefore, if there is any out there, who cannot handle the ashes of the past present, I’m leaving it with “yall” in hot pursuit after the Lord. Halleluyah for the Lord has lifted me.