Why does TIME go so so quickly!!

Yikes its already the 24th. My goodness, what to do!!

So Lately

I should really be on top of the world, but I am slowly falling into a depressive state. My heart aches. Really. If it's not my "F" state, Its my "M" state. I was throwing up in the toilet and my bin yesterday. I feel like Im knocking against a brick wall. I am tired/exhausted in my spirit, but my body shows no signs of it.

My landlord saw me this morning, asked me if everything is well. I told him very well indeed. I came into my office slumped into my chair, my office mate asks me, its not like you to look so beaten. I tell him all is indeed well.

The funny thing is if you asked me what is trully bugging me, I have checked it, it's trully nothing major. Infact it's a non-factor. But what I know is the "devil be rebuked in my life" in Jesus Name. Amen. Prayers that have always been prayed on my behalf. The Lord has made me into a light, that glows from within and is seen from afar off, and His plans He will watch to fulfillment. He is faithful, and I cannot thank Him enough for the testimonies He has placed on my lips, for I will continually sing His praises from the roof tops, and declare His goodness in my life. For He has delivered me from the depths of the grave and made me the pride of nations. For His words reminds me that people I don't know will work for me. I claim His promises. All of it in Jesus Name.

So what is the koko of the oro, as my friend "child of the most high would say" - Lord help me not to see myself as a dissappointment to all I come in contact with. For I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and all my papers - looks like all 4 of them must be finished and published before august of this year in Jesus Name. Amen. Those people that are supposed to be working for me, I arrest them in Jesus name, and may they make my projects their priority in Jesus Name. Amen.

Going back to MT work. Thank you Jesus for answered prayers. Amen.

Itinerary

Lately, for loss of a better word, I havn't had the motivation to do anything, hence havn't had much to blog about. My life has now well and truly moved on to that next level, a level that requires all my attention. Mr # (not poetics) and I have sorted out our differences, and it's good to see him finally truly content, and in a happy place.

Work is going well, now looking for a new adventure, thankfully the next adventure I won't be doing it by myself. Seminars to prepare for, and travels to arrange. In the month of May I will be visiting Nigeria - Lagos; in the month of august Goteborg - Sweden; September USA - Santa Fe and ATL, and December back to Nigeria. Will be visiting UK on a monthly basis, So I am sending out official notice to all friends living in these aforementioned places, here is my itinerary. lol.

My students are truly working me hard. Hopefully when I have some time I will update. So how have you all been?

There trully is no place like Home

So I am now back in England for some time (ok, two weeks), so calling on all my UK crew make space in your diary for me.

Short post, but I miss you all, so I thought to just be reminding you all that I am around, but not gone.

Oh and Udo, yes you being a silent reader and all, I have something special to post on. Watch this space. lol.

I am gliding on these wheels

I am gliding on these wheels

Am tired restless, out of breath, am I dying slowly?

Am gliding on these wheels, perhaps now am sliding. Do you know how it feels?

I sometimes fear the emotions, latent, confusing, engulfing

It gets harder every morning. I feel these pains, no motivation. What’s the deal?

Am gliding on these wheels, the paradox in my life

Despite all the heating I feel this great Chill

My Sahara and Siberia

Liken life to soil, why is mine so hard to till?

Near misses, almost there, nearly there will I ever get there?

Am gliding on these wheels, the noose and earth beckon

Perhaps at the end of today, I will write my will

I shall leave my empty life and my earthy belongings behind

But with whom shall I leave my broken heart? My dilemma

Yet, I have no desire to end a life, even mine. I can’t even kill a fly

But living without the joy of loving is a void too big to fill.

Am gliding on these wheels. A life on auto pilot

I even remember to eat and pay my bill. Enough of my musing, so many things to do

Amazing how easily, how well you can drive, when your mind is far away

I get to the office, sit down and at once feel ill

My boss thinks I should rest my aching body, but it’s my mind that’s sick

Am gliding on these wheels. This ever present emptiness.

I wonder what’ll happen if I take a bit more of this pill

Ah! Sweet release. Am sleeping already. Perhaps this time it’ll be forever

Would I be missed? If I die will the world come to a standstill?

A father who loves me. My mother would die for me. My sister would kill for me. Still

Their love is of another kind. A void, an ache they can’t fulfil.

I resolve, not to die. I will struggle; I will survive for a reason

I will trod on with a resolute will

I will share my lack of love. I will visit it on that gender that plunged me downhill

Am gliding on these wheels. Now back in control?

Am having my fun with every Jill

Big, small, tall, short, slim, fat. Devoid of race, I share my skill

It’s Pathetic. They now crave for love. They grovel for it. Am sorry. No more to give

Enjoy to your fill, I’ll pay the bill. Then please go away. I enjoy the thrill

I have killed love. It’s senseless. Buy the cow? Not when the milk is free

Am gliding on these wheels. Now I don’t care

What’s this wedge?

Let go! Away! Am yet to eat to my fill

It refuses to go away. My joy. Do you want to steal?

Am perplexed

What’s the deal?

Alarm rings! Ah! Its morning still. Thank God!

Professor is making breakfast on the grill

I hugged her tightly until she screamed with that voice I know so well

I never want to let go. Her face is grim

‘What’s the matter baby’?

Darling what a dream I had. The thought of it gives me the chill

It was so vivid and seemed so real

A type of pain I never wish to feel

I wonder what my life would have been

I would have gone on without a will

I saw my life, like I never knew it before

Magic and tragic

It was disturbing still.

I am relieved as I wake up. Realizing it was a nightmare of sorts

With my sunshine at my side, how wonderful I feel

Imagine, oh imagine how life was without you.

What must I tell?!

I must talk about His faithfulness and truth.

Yes, I must talk about His goodness and how trustworthy He trully is.

I must thank God for All He has done for me. He has been too too good to me.

He rocks.

I went searching!!!

Dedicated to Udo. Happy Belated Birthday dearest. Right. Hope your birthday was a blast. Happy birthday again, love always.

I went searching for a star

I looked up to heaven. Heaven. Heaven said: you don’t need a star

‘What do I need’? I asked heaven.’ You need to find out yourself’ heaven says

I went searching for a path.

I look down to the Earth. Mother Earth says: ‘you’ve missed your path’

‘What do I need’? I asked Mother Earth.’ I don’t know’ Mother Earth says. Keep on searching.

I went searching for a test

I looked across to Fire. Fire says.’ Man, you’ve been thoroughly tested you’re akin to pure metal. You’ve not lost steam and you have enough heat. Continue your search

I went searching in the sea

I asked the sea. ‘Open your belly, uncover your secrets, and tell me what I seek you treacherous entity. tell me now or a curse on you I place’.

The sea roared and answered ‘ingrates all of you. Always, you remember my worst and not my best. I would return a curse on you as well but I pity you as your heart is heavy. You need no more voyages. Your search will not end here’

I went searching in the Wind

Swift entity, whisk me away, whisper in my ear, what am I looking for. I implore you. You enter every nook and cranny, you are in every crevice, you hear the whisper of lovers, and you must know what I seek.

The Wind answered. Although I love your flattery still I’m unable to help you. Your search confuses even me so please go ask the heavens

I went searching in the heaven- again

‘Will you help me now’?

Hmmm even I can not aid a search that is complete.

You cannot look for what you already have

You don’t need to look for what you never lost

I think you know what I am talking about

But it was good you searched so you know for sure

Am I in danger?

Yesterday was a good day, I spoke, and I bared my heart

Yet, alas it was to a total stranger

Is he? Am not quite sure about that.

That Man. I try to figure him out. Is he a trader?

A Collector of secrets? A man of tact, perhaps a buyer of fact?

Am torn between familiar emotions. Mostly anguish and anger.

For yet again I have laid my life flat

Am I now at mercy of this stranger?

Am I in danger?

My daydream for this stranger

This dream in Technicolor confuses all my facts

I ask myself: what is his agenda?

How could one call start such a pact?

Is this going to be positive and a life changer

What is going to be the impact?

Am I in danger from this stranger?

Is he still? Am not sure of that.

His heart speaks to mine so what is the danger?

Show restrain? Caution and tact? Find out more about his heart?

One thing I know for a fact: There’s no danger with this stranger

I'm not sure what's going on!

But I like it. Very very much.

Hmmm.

Something Great is really unfolding. And I can only be a spectator.

I have found myself a very comfortable seat. And I am watching it all unravel.

Could this be it? That which I have saught so hard for, that eluded me for so long?

Can you IMAGINE ME!

Many times I have wondered. Wondered what it is about God why He continues to stand by me, always by my side, even though He already knows the end. That in the end I will never fail to dissappoint Him, but He still refuses to give up.

"My parents commited adultery. My dad had many wives, sons and daughters at the time He met my mum. He killed her husband just so that He can posses her. In the end in His mercy He forgave my parents, made me ruler - even though it was never my position nor inheritance. I grew in favour with Him, was wealthy beyond my wildest imagination. The richest person in the world, but in the end I left HIM. Yes, I left God, even though I had tasted and knew He was good. Even after what He did for me, what I saw, How He opened doors, favour and unimaginable blessings. I still found worshiping Him a chore, and sought for worthless things" - (2 Sam. 11; & 1Kings 1-11) - Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

"My parents again, were childless. But one things I could give my dad credit for was He stood by my mum. He loved her still, and didn't marry another. So when the angel of the Lord appeared to her to start expecting my arrival to them, how they asked God to show them how they will raise me. They praised God and thanked Him for His goodness and His revelations on how to raise me the way of the Lord. But when I could stand by my own two feet, instead of following the way that pleases God, the way my parents had taught me, I flirted with danger, fell in-love with a deceiver, a deceiver whom I told everything that the Lord asked me to keep in order to protect myself. So that in the end by my very own words I brought about my destruction - (Judges 13 - 16). Though in the very end, I still found that God was still by my side walking with me still refusing to give up on me". Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

"Should I keep going on - I am too embarrased to give more examples. I am trully ashamed. Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

I really don't understand what it is about me, that causes God to have GREAT plans for me even before I was conceived. That Causes Him to celebrate in Heaven each time I take a breath. That causes Him not to sleep or slumber just so that I don't get overwhelmed, just so that He can keep watch over me. I don't understand what it about God that He lavishes so much time, resources on "me" even though He knows that one way or the other I will turn out to dissappoint Him. My goodness, what is it about you God that you are so very mindful of me. Then I realised, this is why He asked that I take each day as it comes. Each second and every minute. Because I don't know tomorrow, He knows. The problems and heart ache I will cause Him with my unbelief and waywardness. Even though He is a God of seasons, our God of yesterday, today and tommorow, He is also a God of "MOMENTS". Cherishing us. Still seing the best in us, even though he knows how we will trun out.

Father I ask that as you have given me another chance that You enable me to in the end not dissappoint you. To say like paul, I managed to finish the race by keeping the faith - 2 Tim. 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Dear Lord I have started to imagine myself, your very own who stood to the very end still holding onto you. That my very end will not dissappoint you.

I Dare you to Hope!!

J: Hello darling, how far
L: Nne I am well. Its just that lately my body seem to be really bloated. I feel like my Body is too big for me to enter..lol..
J: You are nuts,,, Emotionally nko,
L: I'm still here
J: I can tell that lately you've started to weary, and for this reason I am convinced God is about to do something super great in your life.

........ she continues.... we pray, we laugh.....

J: but always remember not to let the enemy have control over your thoughts, always keep it under lock and key
L: I have already made up my mind, that since Today.. is the day that the Lord has made, I must rejoice and be glad in it regardless of my circumstance
J:I know in my heart of hearts that something is about to break forth....... she continues..
L: I've even started to have major attacks from the enemy.... things are no longer the way it seemed, people are no longer who I thought they were........
J: Make your mind up to forgive and forget, because you have been created for bigger things....

........ we continue....... she continues....... we laugh again, pray, encourage one another..

Lately, one of the most difficult lessons I have had to learn is perseverance. I have been patient for a long while now, but it's as if in me being patient I really need to persevere. It is wonderfully true that the Lord never changes. If indeed He were to change, I will probably be in bigger difficulty. Yet I am continually amazed about how God does things.

He trully is a magnificent God.

His words tells me in Psalm 118 vs. 24: that This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. With this new revelation I was able to overcome that helplessness that always seemed to creap in whenever I start feeling sorry for myself. Reminding myself that becasue God is bigger than anything, my circumstance/situation, I need to focus on the fact that He Created today, and my first priority / command is to rejoice in this today, then maybe tommorrow I can feel sorry for myself. But seing that everyday is a day God has created, Rejoicing in it has become my top mission.lol..

After this new revelation I was consoled with the fact that God can never forget me, because He remembers me to bless me (Psalm 115 vs. 12). I was also reminded that because I have made up my mind to rejoice in the day's of the Lord, I am therefore commiting my ways to Him, which automatically means that I will succeed (Proverbs 16vs. 3). So with all this "ammunition" against "sorry days" I have been wining the battle of perseverance.

Finally the one that really "killed me" was when the Lord brought to my mind to go and read the book of Judges. I was so sure I knew all the stories in the bible, so when I had this urge to go study it again. I obeyed. As I read Judges chapter 4, I was reminded of the first time I read this book. Yes, it was that time I knew how it felt to be really dissappointed, and left for dead. That first time when I had to learn how to be patient. That first time the Lord spoke to me about the new things He was doing in my life (Isaiah 43 vs. 19). It's been many years now. But the Lord still speaks. He reminded me again in Judges 4vs. 14 - That This is the day the Lord has given me dominion over my problems (I am paraphrasing now).... Has not the Lord gone ahead of me? The moment I read this, the only words I could say was THANK YOU LORD. ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THANK YOU LORD.

So my dear friends all is indeed well with me.

Hiatus

I am currently learning what it is to persevere, And not to loose hope. An important lesson I might add, and possibly the most important of my life. I'm sorry I've been missing in action. Will be back shortly.

Wishing you all a Fantastic New Year

Dear Friends,

I am writing to you all because today is the last day of the year 2007, a year that has been for me filled with God's undeniable, unstoppable, unbelievable favour. I am believeing that the same has been also for you too; And even more, what was birthed in this 2007, you will enjoy the spoils as you enter this 2008.

So as we count down into our year of New begininngs, I would like t take this opportunity to thank you all for spending this 2007 with me, and will see you all in 2008.

Here's to a super New year.

Chears.

His Wisdom, My Help!!

It's interesting how lately I've been looking for ways to "make" my life comfortable, with respect to finding those things that make me happy. And it dawned on me that my current state of mind has nothing to do with unfulfilment, but rather actively making God proud with the skills He's given me. So after a short talk last week with a certain Mr. A, concerning "what it is I'm good at" I decided to pay the library an overly due visit (of many years - as a researcher I am truly embarrassed to say for how long I've been away).

Funnily enough I am of the "school of thought" that I can get whatever I want from the Internet (journals, index, book reviews, data...) and that going to the library was a waste of my time. However "something in my spirit" suggested i go pay the library a visit. After 4 hrs I was hooked. The tranquility of it all. The new findings/ discoveries, the empty board you can sit across and stare at as you try solving "that" theorem/algorithm/network diagram. Yes, that room that is not like your office. No phone lines to disturb your thinking, and more importantly no INTERNET surfing. Yes, this is the life of a researcher who intends to make a difference in her field.

I guess the point of this post is to apologise for going away for "such a small while". Being in the library has been keeping me busy, and I no longer want to be anywhere in my office where the Internet on the machines and the phones beckons. I am free. Free to solve those complex problems of science. I am REfocused, and thank God for His Wisdom. My students are waiting.

The Lord who has refused to let me be put to shame has now revived my enthusiasm and renewed my thirst for my work. The work He trained me to be the best at. As being the HEAD is the only place He created me to be.

Have a wonderful weekend. I know I am having yet the best days of my life.

30 Days of Thankfulness 2 - Day 14 / Staying on your track

For Day 14 (Wednesday, November 14), I was tagged by Diamond for the “THANKFULNESS CHAIN”. Mine is more of a story.

Its funny how easily the desire to be like others, have what others have or possibly dominate others seem to be the driving force for many. Well I will have to admit that I have found myself doing these many times throughout my life's journeys.

I have always had this athletic build which meant I could do justice to 100 / 200meters races and come out on top. But during the races I was always overwhelmed with the fear that someone would overtake me which caused me to constantly look over my shoulder to make sure I knew where the next person was. Interestingly enough this would always cost me the race. But I never seemed to learn.

Its funny when I graduated to the 200meters sprint, and whenever I was placed in the first two lanes, this would always upset me a great deal. Because it meant that the people on lanes 6 and 7 would win the race automatically in my mind. So before the race had started I would have already given up already, and pretend to have pulled something towards the midpoint.
Its funnier even when I finally landed that lane 7, which I thought was all I needed to win the race, after putting all my effort in the first 100meters, I would realise for the next 100meters that I was no different to the people on the other lanes. Excited as I was when I started, people cheering me on as I led the pack, my parents very sure that I was the leader of the pack from where they were seated, and shocked to hear that I did not win the race. Interesting enough I never fully understood why? And even more baffling that the races I was the favourite for I never seemed to win. But It all makes sense now. My attitude and planning was different. I believed in my own strength, and would always predict the outcome of the race depending on my starting point. If the starting point wasn't in my favour, giving up was the next option. And also during the race I always made a point to constantly look over my shoulder to check the positions of others in the race. So as you could see I was never a serious contender. Going where the wind blew my decisions could be likened to.

so TODAY I am thankful that the Lord has used this example to REVEAL Himself to me. To help me understand why the track that I am on is unimportant in the race called life. We don't all have the same starting position and many always seemed to advance more than others, which always causes one to feel envious, evaluate themselves, wonder why their case is different, feel cheated and maybe cry out to God. But the one thing God keeps bringing to my memory is the people on lane 6 and 7 (who represent the leaders of the pack from your point of view), and the ones on lanes 1 and 2 (lagging behind - a position I always found myself in). It may appear that they are winning the race, but its all about where you are looking at it from.

Have you not noticed this? When the people in lanes 6 and 7 comes out of the bend (the first 100meters) they level up with the others in the previous 5 lanes. A reminder that we will all get to that point, the end of the first 100meters, which is where the race really begins - the beginning of the next 100meters.

This is why Paul warns us in the books of the bible - In 1 Corinth. 9:24 (Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize); asking us why we gave up on the race even when we were doing well, Gal. 5:7 (You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?); And the reminder of pushing ahead to finish the race the Lord has called each and everyone one of us for regardless of the track He placed us on, Acts 20: 24 (However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace).

I have found myself many a times giving up in situations where I should have kept running. That is why the Lord reminds us that the race is not to the swift - or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all - Ecc. 9:11. Then it finally hit me, I have tried looking over my shoulders which always cost me the race on the track. But I will be foolish to repeat the same mistake in the race called life. I refuse to look over my shoulder to evaluate my position by comparing my life to the life of others, but to ask God to help me "pace" my self with His strength. So that I can finish the race well.

so TODAY I am thankful to God for His Revelations, through which I am able to appreciate His Love and Peace of mind during the life's journeys. His Joy whenever I remember the great plans He has for me and the family, friends and people He has surrounded me with. Today Dear Lord I am Thankful for the Journey called Life, which many have in one way or the other dropped out from, but you've still encouraged me to run on.

So today dear friends, what will you do with your own race? Are you going to give up on your race because of the track that you are on? Or are you willingly to be patient for the Lord to take you through this first phase and into the finishing straights. Would your answer be like that of Paul's who said in 2 Tim. 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.Or would it be something opposite. I pray that the former will be your answer.

Thank you Miss D for tagging me, for tomorrow the 15th of November I tag Believer and temmytayo.

For TONYI

I was almost tired, when they told me to join them. Come they said, let us go. But I always declined. Too serious to do anything. Too tightfisted to spend my money on anything other than what others should see. Vanity I know, but I have spent too long already in lonely places.

I was almost tired, when I finally tracked down Udo, my best friend of when I was 10years old. She was half German and half Nigerian. I skipped all my classes including my after school classes which my mum had paid a fortune for me to attend. It was always fun walking the streets with Udo. Besides we never failed a class. I was shocked to find out she was still the same dear friend. I haven't seen her for almost 15 years now. I was never a writer, so you were sure not to get any letters from me, but that didn't mean you were never thought of each day. Mum always asked me about you. I know she will be excited to hear about you.

I was almost tired when you told me of pamela, and shobanna, other members of our crew - pamela the only child of a very wealthy man and shobanna our sri lankan friend. How you lost contact with pamela when you had to return to germany after the death of your dad and how you lost shobanna's addy after many years of contact when she too returned to srilanka. I still remember those days when your mum opened up your garage to turn it into a little shop, and how we ate out all the stuff in the shop, because we were always hungry. Gosh how I've missed you and those days. The wildest times of my life. My mum oblivious to the fact that her daughter was skipping school, and my dad not bothered with my results. You see I was never going to be that heart surgeon. I was too rough in the edges to be proper. I guess they would have been happy regardless of whatever I chose to do.

I was tired when you reminisced about the old times, and all those ladies in our class who just hated us. They called us "the light skin" group. Everyone wanted to be our friend, but we thought we were too good for them. "How dare they think they could mix with us. Do we look like their class. Do we look like their family. Do we smell like them". "Gosh how they stank we would always say". I remember when the teachers used to cane you, because you refused to be biade's friend when her mum came and begged you. How many was it 24 strokes. I never got the strokes. But I did deserve it though. For all the teachers knew my mum, and for some reason thought I was a good girl..lol.. I guess we never took school seriously because we knew we were not going to be around too long.

I was tired when I asked you about Tonyi, the bulky looking girl. I thought I was muscular with all my athletic build, but in Tonyi I saw a new meaning to the word bulky. She used to just sit and stare at us, with a dirty grin. Her stares always made me uncomfortable and I was convinced they were always filled with hate; but I never remembered being frightened of it. I guess maybe it was a disappointing look, maybe it was a jealous look; whatever it was she always convicted my spirit. I don't remember hating her, only wondered why she would cause me to humble myself whenever she was around. Does she know who I am. Does she know how many boys I can beat down in 2 seconds flat. Does she know what they call me around the school.

I was tired when you told me how she died. She died Udo. Tonyi died. Did I hear you say Tonyi died. The news pierced through my heart. She died shortly after I left. She was staying with her aunt, who used her as her house girl. One night she was very ill, but they still told her to go and fetch water for them. It was very dark and there were no lights, but she still had to go out to the well that had been dug in the premises. As she bent over to pull the rope tied to the well bucket which she had thrown into the well she must have felt faint and fell into the well. The family didn't even bother to go check why she hadn't brought the water back, they only looked for her the next day and found her inside the well.

I remember how she had started making an effort to be friendly. She had this beautiful bible decorated with stickers, which she carried as if it were her most prized possession. She was the only smelly peeps I started to smile and say hello to. Whenever I saw her I always felt compelled to go and say hello. She gave me some of her stickers, and promised to get me a bible just like hers. Later she invited me to her church, where she told me I could get a bible just like hers. A baptist church. I started seeing her around outside school. I also found out she only lived 2 roads from me. I started seeing a side of her that I was previously too proud to see. She had a beautiful smile, which brightened her square shaped head, fixed to her body with a seriously stiff neck. She always walked as if she had a limp, most of the time from side to side. I remember when my dad came and told us that the school system wasn't working for us, and that our trial was over. I remember going to say goodbye to Tonyi. And she sent me on with her blessings.

I've been back to Nigeria since many times to look for her, but that house always looked deserted. It all makes sense now. Why she stared at us at the beginning, the foolish girls who knew nothing of the hardship of life and took it for granted. How tears have refused to stop flowing down my cheeks.

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of taking my life for granted. I am tired of taking God for granted. I am tired of making the same mistakes so many years still after the earliest recorded mistakes. Who told me the journey called Life will be an easy one. No one said it will be filled with people. My path has been so far one not many have travelled. Many are the days, months years I have spent all by myself. If it were not going to be the case, then God would not have had to say to me "He will never leave me or forsake me" - for this statement is to encourage many like me, who have had to journey to places on their own.

So yet again, today I intend to live each day like its my last day, for every second I am here is more seconds than I had previously, and be Thankful that I have known the love of family, friends and the LOVE of God.

I am sorry Tonyi for the way I had behaved even at such a young age. I pray that you find rest and peace wherever you are. You have always been in my thoughts, and always remember that even though I never showed it, I truly appreciated you, and you were loved by little old proud me.

Adieu my friend.

I was Dying But Now I LIVE

Completely Healed.

On the 12th of october this year, I hadn't been feeling too well all day and was trying to sit out the dizzy spells. Whenever I feel lightheaded I always try and sit still for as long as it took to get rid. I also asked a collegue for an aspirin.. yes.. I do have a pharmacy background and know aspirins are "anti-inflammatory's" and so should be used "if" pain is felt. Well I did say I was abit dilerious. I took 400mg, and still didnt feel any better.

After visiting the bathroom I decided at 9.45pm to do a final check before I left for home, but as I tried to stand I collapsed and fell in my office becoming unconcious. Was on the floor for many minutes, before I heard the footsteps of my collegues. I woke up, tried to make a dash for my door when they asked me if I was coming with them. As I told them to give me just five minutes, I became unconcious again. They were afraid, called the paramedics, as I was going in and out of unconciousness - 4 times before the paramedics had arrived and again twice when I was with them.

I doubt my collegues will forget that day in a hurry. When I was taken to the hospital, the doctor found out I was anaemic, to the point where I had lost half of my blood. But how could this have happened. Well, as they tried to keep me in / admit me, I remembered my mum " saying to myself, they will not kill my mum for me" God-forbid if she was to hear I was in the hospital. I discharged myself immediately, promising to visit a GP at the earliest, and to start an Iron treatment as soon as possible. My collegue who was with me begged me to stay but I refused. We had only walked a few steps when we realised there were no taxis outside, and as he went back to get the receptionist to call one, he heard a man running screaming in Italian, "there is a lady dying outside". Well the doctors ran out, carried me onto a trolly and wheeled me into the main part of the hospital before I could say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". lol.

I was then held hostage in the hospital and was not going to be let out until my Haemoglobin count got to 8.0. The doctors were very confused and baffled on the reason a young gal like me could have lost alot of blood, and after all the tests could not find anything. Every thing was fine, but I was still loosing blood.

The Lord had surrounded me with such nice people to work with that I had visitors constantly, bringing me food, fruits, gifts that I will never consider buying for myself, flowers,, so much love. I got all the "hot" nightware stuff, slippers, new clothes, tons of sucks, Coco Madmoselle by Chanel to keep me smelling fresh.. so much gifts, that some of my visitors wished they were in my bed instead of me. My mum who had boarded the next flight out to take me back to the UK for specialist treatment was amazed with the treatment that I had that she was happy that I was in the right place.

The doctors decided to give me stuff to fix my stomach walls (just incase it was leaking out through there), after which my HB count started to rise. But they still didn't know what could have caused it. The day before I was due to be discharged (which was Monday October 22nd), the doctors decided to do a final test for a certain bacteria, and there it was, there was a bacteria embedded in my duodenum (over 25.8%) that had made little holes in my stomach causing my blood to leak, and the aspirin didn't help too much cause it had thinned out my blood and increased the blood flow. Aparantly you can contract it as a child through water.. lol.. (hmmmm what dirty water have I been drinking.lol..). So there it was. I never felt any pain, and the silly thing was just there making all this holes and just increasing its population..lol.. To think I almost went home with them in my stomach still..lol.. I have now finished my course on antibiotics..

To say that my steps were ordered by God is so evident, because if my collegues weren't at work that late, or if I had gone home earlier that day, I would have gone from being unconcious to starving my brain of oxygen and then slipped into a coma without anyone knowing. I say this, because the nurses kept waking me up the first four nights I was there to make sure I was still in the land of the living..lol.. And again because I walked home down a steep path with a nice waterfall flowing by, I could have just have fallen and no one would know I was there.

So I want to take this opportunity to thank God for the supernatural miracle He did for me, and how He surrounded me with people so that when the enemy tried his best, the ones for me were greater than the ones against. I was discharged on Tuesday the 23rd of October.

So my blogpals keep giving out crazy praise to God, for I was dying, and now I LIVE.

Thank YOU

My love to all and heart fealt thanks to all those who prayed and contacted me during my stint (12 days to be more precise) in the hospital (will elaborate another day).

To say that the Lord is indeed a healer is an understatement considering what He did for me. He is my ROCK and Salvation, the Love of my Life and my body guard. In the darkest hour, He refused to let me be sifted, for He had already spoken a word concerning my Life, and because He is not a man to lie nor the son of man to change His mind, He used His own hands to bring about my healing so that the Words He had already spoken He will bring to pass.

I love you all, and Thank You again.

RESULT!!!!!!!

His Words says in Psalm 18 vs. 43 -46:

"Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people; and thou hast made me the head of the heathen: a people whom I have not known shall serve me. As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me. The strangers shall fade away, and be afraid out of their close places".

The Lord is indeed a wonder - all I can do is but testify of His goodness. Today was thE Board meeting I blogged about many weeks back. And even though I trembled before the presence of men who have caused impacts in their field of science, the Lord helped me ALSO to stand. To think that little me, was able to present to such an audience and STILL came out smelling like roses was quite an achievement.

This was not the first time I have had to present, I have been presenting my work for over 5years now, but this one was a little different. The future livelihood of the centre and its existence depended on my skill of expertise and my ability to wow the directors who would then relay back to the funding body if a further 5years should be granted after 2010.

But I stood on His word in psalm 18 vs. 43 - 46; and took captive of their mind to make them obedient to Christ Jesus. I am glad to say I had an excellent presentation (If I say so myself - and was very well congratulated by the board). Now I pray that they will grant the centre their requests.

My position here was created for such a day like this, and the centre was proud to announce the recruitment of their top expert “which apparently was Me" - lol.

The Lord has spoken that I will be the Head. And nothing can reverse His words. So even though I felt that I was going to go out and disgrace my God, because He gave me this position and I was foolishly wasting it, He still stood by me irrespective of my stupidity. Thank you Lord, for not treating me as my sins deserve. Today I am a leading biologist. Who would have thought it?

Okay, I HAVE Got to give God some CRAZY praise!!

My church here in Verona had dedicated a three day fast (for the last three days of the month of September) that was to end on Sunday. I partly joined – well to tell the truth I really didn’t. You see I don’t have breakfast here, because its coffee and croissant (whatever), have a huge lunch (courtesy of you know who), and no dinner (cause of the fear of getting fat). So in all, technically it could be said I already fast, so I will be deceiving God, when I know I already don’t eat after a certain time. So I chose to pray more and read the bible (the bible part – well not as much as I would have hoped).

So on Saturday I told myself wouldn’t it be funny if I woke up late and missed my train on the day to break the fast and I WAS LEADING Worship. I told myself what nonsense. I rebuked that thought immediately. I woke up on time, but for some reason was dillydallying, and looked at my time 22 minutes before my train leaves. I almost fell on the floor. You see it’s a half an hrs walk to the train, and I haven’t been feeling too well so wasn’t sure how I would get to the train on time. I screamed so loud, carried my back pack and made a dash for the door (the buses are hourly, already missed it). I started to run. My heart, lungs whatever gave way. I could no longer breathe (after 1 meter - I am so unfit – don’t let my mountain climbing deceive you). I decided to hitch a ride, no one would stop (why would they, black girls here stop cars for you know what). I started to run again, telling myself I won’t make it, but had to rebuke the thought, and started to tell myself I will. As I made a run for the roads, from nowhere a lady stopped. She spoke no English, but said “stazione” I nodded and she took me there. I was so grateful. I got to the station train was delayed by 10mins. Was upset for stressing myself, but this was the beginning.

I finally got on the train, arrived in Verona the same time I usually arrive, but my pickup had been and gone (he was very early – wanted to get to the church on time cause it’s a very significant day). I called him, he was on some different network that charged like a Euro per min, ended up telling him I’ll get the bus and to inform the choir that I wont be able to lead worship – will be late (also called Pastor to tell him), but forgot to get the bus number. Tried to call back to find out, credit finished. I was like, OK then I’m going home. Don’t know where I was going, and can’t be getting a taxi, where will I tell the driver to take me. As I contemplated going home, I saw some of my church members, their bus had been delayed. As in I thanked God for seeing them.

We waited, bus was still nowhere in sight, so I offered to pay for taxi, so we could at least make it to church. When we got there, I still managed to lead the Worship, Most amazing service, and GOD confirmed the words He spoke to me during my last week in Blacksburg at the family conference meeting. I was now more than sure that God had purposely brought me to this country. It was simply an amazing service. Finally when the pastors dropped me off at the train station to get my train, there were no trains.

I waited and waited nothing. I wasn’t sure what to do, there were too many people at the train station, and I thought something big was going down in Verona. After an hr and a half wait, I decided to get myself on the cue and try my non-existent Italian at the ticket people to find out what was happening.

On joining the cue I spoke to this German lady who spoke English who informed me that there was a National Strike. The train drivers were ON STRIKE – and only my Line was affected. Yes can you imagine a national strike but only MY line was affected. The train Italia was on strike from 9pm Saturday to 9pm Sunday, but only trains coming and going to my end were cancelled.

I was also informed that there should never have been any train (as in under normal circumstance I should not have been in Verona that day). It was plastered every where that no trains will be running (which obviously I couldn’t read), and it was just random that there was that train from nowhere that morning. It was the only random train that ran that day to Verona.

The only train that should have left during that Strike period was 9.21pm train on Sunday evening from Trento.

So you see I had to have gotten on that train, because God had made a way for me to get to Verona to hear what he had for me. And for some reason I wasn’t supposed to attend that service (under normal circumstance). Sometimes I wonder, who am I that He is so mindful of me.

People at work are shocked that I made it to Verona on Sunday morning, like no way, there shouldn’t be any train, and even if there was, they would stop during the strike period on the tracks, never getting to the destination. But Here I was, on a strike day, on a random train that got me to my destination. And I was on it to hear the message GOD had for me.

Yes I ended up staying for 5 hrs at the train station to catch the 9pm train back, but I didn’t mind the wait, because the Lord pulled out all the stops for me to get there, and Hear what He wanted me to know.

So my message to you is, don’t worry you can never loose out with God. When He has something for you, He'll pull out all the stops to make sure you get. So keep giving God crazy praise because He is more than ABLE and can move mountains just for you only.