Never Settle For less

I remember in high school I was pretty rubbish in Physics. Lets just say I was pretty rubbish in most things, but my physics teacher for some reason known only to him believed in me, even with my very poor grade (too ashamed to prefix.. I know ayo, you’d probably try). But he still believed in me. Told me, I was one of his finest, brightest and most inspiring student. Well let’s just say I worked even harder, exhausted my limit, and even though I never got the high grades, he never stopped believing that I could and would. I didn’t make the grade I needed to study the course of my choice at university level, but I still got into uni, and never forgetting the belief “Mr. Bancroft” had in me, I worked like there was no tomorrow. In the end I made a First class honours, but when I went back to my high school to tell Mr. Bancroft that I made it, that I made a First in Pharm. sci, majored in Organic and Medicinal chem., he was no longer working in the school or was he around to see the seed he had sown all those years ago germinate and bloom. He had retired for health reasons. I was never able to tell him, that because of the way he believed that I could soar like an eagle, that the sky was the limit that was attainable to me, that regardless of what circumstance, difficulty, ill equipped as I was, that the light at the end of tunnel was a destination I could get to. I was immediately offered two scholarships (one from Pfizer and the other from BBSRC) to study for my Ph.D immediately after uni, and received my Ph.D by the age of 25. I think this is a pretty good achievement for an “F grade” student..lol..

Today’s topic is not about me or my physics teacher, but about you and your instructor known as Jesus.

The Lord did use Mr. Bancroft to spur me on, but what if there wasn’t a Mr. Bancroft, there will always be God. He is forever by our side willing us to try just that bit harder. The Lord who created us, who has already endowed us, the ability and all the necessary skills to get to the finishing line. The thing is we need to have it always in our fore mind that He is always there encouraging us that we can, and we will get there. Never to forget that if no one believes in you, the fact that God believes in you is all you need. That you have been created for greatness, to be the head, to be rulers, you are royalty, to be able to tell the difference between what’s fake and what’s real. To remember that the people you surround yourself with must agree in your ability to attain greatness. That anybody who tears you down, or talks about your negative qualities, does not deserve to stand with you. If Mr. Bancroft had gone on and on about my “F” status, and how he saw no future in my “F” (Failure) being transformed to “F” (First class) then I doubt I would have believed that I could. I am here to tell you, Never settle for less. Never settle for mediocrity, never settle for ok. Never settle for quitters. You are created in the image of God, and He is not a quitter.

I was not able to thank Mr. Bancroft, but like the Ten lepers healed by Jesus, if no one comes back to thank Jesus for what He’s done for them, I would like to be that one that came back to thank Him. To always be in an attitude of thanks. I know now that the Lord used Mr. Bancroft to will me on to the finishing line of academia, and for this Lord I thank you. If I had believed in my current situation in high school, I probably would not have become a Fellow of science, and an academic working for Microsoft research supervising Masters and Ph.D students within 3 yrs of my graduation. But I stress on believing that I can and will. You might have been called all manner of names, rejected, have had to overcome one hurdle or another on your way to the finishing line, but one thing I know is that you have been called: CHOSEN, HIS, BELOVED, SOUGHT AFTER, FRIEND, Great man/woman, man/woman after God’s own heart, Friend of God. That your life is not in the hands of any ordinary man, but you have been ingrained in the palm of God’s hands. I no longer believe in the FACT, I only know the Truth. And the simple truth is that I have been created for my life to bring Glory to God. And whatever point I am in my life I can only get better, the direction can only be upwards.

So I challenge you all, will you continue to let the shadows of your past failures, shame, unfruitfulness continue to chase you or will you make a stand for it and choose to see past the Fact, and strive on until the Truth manifests in your life. What will your legacy be? The choice is really up to you.

As for me, my mind is made up. I will be a fool to settle for anything less than what God has for me. I am not about to give up now.

Stumbled upon a miracle

stumbled upon a miracle

I really wasn’t expecting any more goodies

My life had dried up

I said those prayers albeit mechanically

I had my share of crisis

A lot on these shoulders

A man who was never a boy

For love not fear was why I cared

I lived to make them proud and I did

Resources depleted.

Bad decisions

The bane of every man

The pieces started coming together

Refusal to let go

My terrible pain akin to addiction

I let go- totally

They said it would be a sword

A spiritual one

How true they were

In a sense. I was in Chains: a prisoner of unrequited love

Suddenly I was free

Tunnel vision. No more I see the designs. Clear patterns now

It came when I didn’t expect

This miracle I stumbled upon

Like all things that are meant to be: no plot, no ploy no scheme, just bliss

The man two thousand years ago who came and healed and cleansed

Did so as simply too

I believe that it is so

The simplicity of my miracle

I don’t confess to know it all

I admit to have it all

But I can tell you what I read

I read: 1 Corinthians 13:4

From a book inspired by the man

It will keep my miracle intact

Living in God's Divine Will

I am wondering, if there are people out there, who are of the view, or use the excuse that whatever God has written for them it is permanent regardless of whether they act or not.

I ask you this question, when His season to bless you comes, and he harkens to you, reveals His words and plans to you, sends His prophets to you, advising you to stand up and walk into His blessings, do you still sit where you are, citing that because He is a God whose plans are irrevocable, He will make sure what He has for you comes to pass, whilst you sit and not do as you’ve been told / warned. Do you still expect God to then bless you when you think is the right time, after you have refused to listen to Him When He asked you to act!

His words give us examples of people who waited on Him and when it was their time to get up and Go they did. To name a few, people Like Abram (Gen. 12:4), who later became Abraham because He struck out when God told him to. People like Joshua, who of his generation (with Caleb) saw the Promised Land (Num 14:38; 26:65; 32:12). People Like Jesus' disciples. In Noah's time (Gen. 6:8), he listened and acted, but the people around him could have been saved if they believed and acted when warned. There too was the example of the two thieves hanging on the cross next to Jesus, one recognised his season and the other didn't. These aforementioned walked into their destiny thereby fulfilling the purpose and plan God had for them.

So I ask you again, which one are you? Think about it? Why then do you complain about how others seem to be fulfilling their purpose in God, while you do like the Israelites did at the time when Herod asked them the question about where Jesus was to be born, when He was already born and living among men (Matt. 2:4).

As for me, I have made up my mind, not to be disobedient and be watchful in prayer for when the Lord bids me to act. Because only when I partner with Him in agreement will I know when to and when not to act.

A Time of Thanksgiving..

Philipians 4:4-9

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Amen

The Joy of my Salvation, the Joy in Christ, which is totally independent of my circumstance and situation has been restored unto me. Thank You Lord for a quick response. Thank you Lord for an EXPRESS answerd prayer.

I am whom God says I am

Its been a while now, I had forgotten whom God says I am. I had forgotten how He made me an everlasting Pride and the joy of all generations. How He has become my everlasting light and how my days of sorrow would end. How because he helps me, I will never fear shame and disgrace. That this is not the lot for me and my family. You see I may not have been faithful to him with somethings, but if He were to search my heart He would see how trully sorry I am.

I thank you Lord for making me into a light, I pray that my light will wane nomore, for you are my help in times of trouble. Oh Lord do not delay help me Lord, my heart is overwhlmed, help me my God who is steadfast and never late. I cry out to you Lord, only you Lord are able to deliver me from this.

Lord I'm still holding on. Challenge now is for how much longer. You showed that I am that light that shines through that darkend path. And without my light, journey through that path will be impossible. Challenge now is will I be able to arise and shine through that darkened path. Challenge now is will I be able to want to. I am almost tired. I dont know which way to turn. I feel this intense crushing feeling. My heart can't appear to take all this anymore, but it has to. I call to you at midnight knowing you alone are attentive to me. I don't want to end up in the hospital again Lord. I have to wait for you Lord because I can see you in my horrison. I have to trust that you will arise on my behalf. People at work are noticing my light appears to be fading. Holy Spirit Strenghten and reinforce me. Help me now.

Lord you are indeed a God that answers prayers. A restorer of that which was stollen. Heal my heart O Lord. Help me to see what you have in store for me. Remove my blindspots and rebuild my trust and hope. Help me not to hold on to the past. Help me to see past my hurt. To see into my future, that which you have carefully and beautifully created for me. Thank you Lord of hosts. Thank you mighty deliver. Thank you wonderful Father. You have been my only hope, my only source of strength, my Lord my God.

The cloud is lifted. My fate have changed. My light has started to shine brightly. My colleagues have refused to leave me until I never stop laughing. Thank God for work colleagues, who are always ready to make a fool of themselves at my expense. Today is a good day. I can definately see YOU Lord in my horrison. Thank you Jesus.

Search Me O God - Earnestly I desire this LORD!!

Psalm 15:1-3

1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart

3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,

Psalm 51:1;4;6-7; 10-11;

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Psalm 139:1-3;7;23-24

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

7 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 84:10-12

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,

blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Is your steps Ordered?

Interesting enough I am just returning back to Italy from my Trip to the UK. It was supposed to be a dress fitting excersise plus a few confirmations. However my frustration with my dear airlines tried to cloud my journey.

After a fabulous weekend with my better half and family, I proceeded to attempt my return back to Italy. I hadn't booked my return leg of the flight because I wasn't sure which city I may need to fly out from. Never the less when the time came to book my return flight I found that it would be best for me to make my way to London and try and get a flight out from there so that I could get back at a reasonable time. I live on the mountains, so depending on where I fly in, I still have a minimum of 3hrs left prior to my final destination. So trying to get back here in the evening would mean a serious mission for me.

Anyhow, as I made my last minute dash to London in anticipation of booking a flight on arrival (of course I could have booked a flight prior to my trip to London - but then again I could so easily change my mind last minute - I know I like drama..lol..), I found on entry that the flights I wanted were fully booked remaining only the expensive seats. As I contemplated what next to do I opted to book the cheaper flight out, and decided to spend two nights and a day in London.

I am glad I did. I found that the Jesus House in Brent cross were having a 21day fast, which was ending with a thanks giving service on that monday I desperately wanted to travel. I went to the service, to say it trully was an amazing service is really an understatement. I found my self in the same situation as the last minute workers in "the parable of the workers", being blessed simply by just making it at the eleventh hour (Matthew 20: 1-16). Others have been working hard for the last 21 days as they waited on God, and here I was, just happenend to be at the right place at the right time, receiving the same blessings as those who were there from the onset.

As we went home all five of us, I spoke out loud saying, I really don't understand how this beautiful, wonderful awsome God loves me so. Who always remembers me only to bless me. Directing my footsteps to wherever He knows He will bless me the most. Even though I saw how my lovely E had lost weight from waiting on God this 21 days, I too went home partaking in what God had to offer during this time. vs. 15 of that chapter says - 'Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?' - I am so grateful God is generous, cause seriously by all counts, I didn't deserve to be blessed. But He blessed me anyway. Isn't God something? I went back to Italy the next day rejoicing, still in the knowledge that I am just too important for God.

Sittin on the Dock of Life

Whenever I listen to Otis Redding (sittin On) The Dock of The Bay, it reminds me so much of my life before now. The way I started to slowly give up on the plans the Lord had for me, the purpose of the journies. I had let my self go to a point where I no longer cared if I suceeded or not.

Then one day on my way back from naples in Italy, as I laid exhusted on the train station floor, by myself, wasn't even sure if I had fainted from the lack of sleep, with the tannoy anouncements of the train departures on full blast - I heard him, three times "Life of Stranger, before too long you will have cause to praise him. Life of stranger Before it's over, you will have cause to prasie God. Life of a stranger... you will have cause to glorify God". I woke up immediately. I wondered to myself if I had just imagined it. I wasn't thinking of anything par-se. Nor was my mind engaged in anything. All I knew before then was, I was tired and desperately needed sleep. I realised it must have been God, of whom I thought had forgotten me, and I was now living the fruits of my past mistakes. I woke up dusted myself, and started praising God. A month after that encounter, I collapsed in my office all by myself almost dying until my colleagues found me after 9pm at night. God is not a man that He should lie, nor does His words return to Him void. He has spoken great things concerning me, therefore lonliness nor death was not going to take that away. I thank God for choosing me inspite of it all.

I dont know if there is anyone feeling lonley today, or feel they have nothing to live for, or it appears that nothing will come their way, so they've settled to just live and let their life continue to roll away. I am here to tell you that nothing in your life is ever destined to remain the same. I am here to tell you that regardless of where you are now, God is forever with you. Just yesterday as I spoke to my friend and how we reminiced about the time she came to visit me here on the mountains of Italy, and how I confessed with my lips, the impossibility of anyone ever finding me here. Even with the kind of faith she had, after she had looked at my surrounding and had spent some time here with me, she concured and wondered how can it ever be possible. But today here I am to testify even in the tickest of forests or highest of mountains, even in the lonliest of journies or longest of roads, God is with you and when it is your time to be blessed it will come to pass.

And so it came to pass.

Beware of Judas' Kiss!

"A kiss is done out of familarity or out of love for someone". I've found myself many atimes, whenever I meet friends kissing them on both cheeks was usually the norm. Yes familarity. Yes lovingly.
In Psalm 41:9 - "Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me". I am reminded that we will always face one form of dissappointment or the other in our life's relationships. We ought not to be unaware of the devices of the enemy. To watch our close friends, people we surround ourselves with, so they don't lead us to total destructions. We need to watch and be prayerful always. Watch the companies we keep, to remember that not everyone is wishing us good progress and happyness.

"A kiss that comes from unexpected quarters, a kiss that someone that close to you could deal". We don't know the heart of the people we surround ourselves with - a heart that is desperateyly wicked, no one can fathom -Jeremiah 17:9 - People that are destroying you that are supposedly helping you - Matthew 15:18-19 - beware of them.

"A kiss that's given out of jealousy" - not everyone can stand your success. Remember, the Lord will surely lift you up, but remember not every one will be really happy with you. To remember that not everyone can stand your sucess.

"A kiss thats given from a loose tongue" - James 3: 5-6 - a loose tongue can make or cause those who would never want to turn against you to turn against you. Ordinarily this person would never turn against the friend, but their friend's loose tongue causes MISTRUST and hatred, which once gone is impossible to get back. Betrayal is a very terrible thing to happen in any frienship, not to be wished upon anyone. Therefore be careful whom you place your trust in. Remember, adversaries may rise up becasue you do not know the spirit of the person you are talking to. Tread carfeully people.

In order to overcome all, we ought to be spiritually alert. To learn not to open our mouth to talk everything we feel needs to be heard. To excercise God's wisdom, and find out the best ways of saying things, so that it will never be misunderstood. We need to READ and KNOW the word of God, and find out how to apply it.

Isa. 59:9 - "So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows". Gal. 6:7 - "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows" - Let us endeavour not to engage in Judas' kiss. Not to be deceived, that whatever a man sows that is exactly what they will receive. There will be a mighty penalty to pay if one is not careful. Let the act go. If you are he/she that goes about digging other peoples grave with your kiss, be very aware, same can easily be done to you. This is our year of new beginings. Let us continue to keep in mind that life is so precious.

God forbid if anything were to happen to any of you, what would YOU be remembered for? Think about it.

I pray that I will never be engaged in bringing people down, be engaged in discussing or destroying the trust many have placed upon me, not to be a Judas to anyone who entrusts so much to me. I also ask us all to say this short prayer - Forgive me God for all the times that I have betrayed people that trusted me. Lord forgive me in Jesus Name. Amen.

I have a testimony to tell

Can I get you, someone to lend me just an ear?
I tell you the Lord has been too good to me,
Is my words and plea falling on deaf ears?
Come and hear what the Lord has done for me
I can hardly contain myself

I cannot keep this any longer to myself
I must speak and testify of His goodness,
I must confess of his countless mercies and grace
I must shout aloud His favours and too many open doors

I really need you to give me a min
Someone, anybody
He’s not a man to lie
His promises He has brought to pass
Plans long ago is accumulating to my now breakthroughs

I don’t know where to begin,
But I have to start from somewhere

Why oh why God have you refused to forget me
Why oh why have You insisted on blessing me so
Of my faith I am the least
Of those that doubted I was the champion
Of those that encountered resistance I was the first to make a negative suggestion

Ever ready to bow off
Ever ready to make an excuse as why the opposition
Ever ready to drink that mind destructing liquor

But your grace and mercy have forever been sufficient for me
To love and forgive me for your sake
To favour me even when it’s not merited
To favour me even when it’s not fair

Have I told you lately Lord that I love you

Away from me

Let down I think not
You are consumed with rivalry, revelry
Opulence, negligence, abhorrence

But who are You
Does these feeling exist in one
So fond of life, love
One so strong that embodies success

Disappointed, dismayed, I think so

Why must You be the bane of so many emotions
That epitomizes that which is abhorred, scorned
And ridiculed by many
Such strong passions, such pain, such hate
I’m I making sense

Why must you insists on ruining
Lives so marked
Paved, Surrounded and Deep-rooted in Love

Away from me

So its back to continental europe as usual!!

Hello everyone,

Im back from my travels.

So hopefully should be able to post more regularly than before. The Best month ever was this month of May. The Lord has been faithful, and forever good to me. I can testify of His goodness. As per usual, I am promising myself to work harder than ever, if I am ever going to get to the end of this year with some impact in the scientific community. Wish me well.

So how has everyone been?

Diamond dearest, the deed is done......

Why does TIME go so so quickly!!

Yikes its already the 24th. My goodness, what to do!!

So Lately

I should really be on top of the world, but I am slowly falling into a depressive state. My heart aches. Really. If it's not my "F" state, Its my "M" state. I was throwing up in the toilet and my bin yesterday. I feel like Im knocking against a brick wall. I am tired/exhausted in my spirit, but my body shows no signs of it.

My landlord saw me this morning, asked me if everything is well. I told him very well indeed. I came into my office slumped into my chair, my office mate asks me, its not like you to look so beaten. I tell him all is indeed well.

The funny thing is if you asked me what is trully bugging me, I have checked it, it's trully nothing major. Infact it's a non-factor. But what I know is the "devil be rebuked in my life" in Jesus Name. Amen. Prayers that have always been prayed on my behalf. The Lord has made me into a light, that glows from within and is seen from afar off, and His plans He will watch to fulfillment. He is faithful, and I cannot thank Him enough for the testimonies He has placed on my lips, for I will continually sing His praises from the roof tops, and declare His goodness in my life. For He has delivered me from the depths of the grave and made me the pride of nations. For His words reminds me that people I don't know will work for me. I claim His promises. All of it in Jesus Name.

So what is the koko of the oro, as my friend "child of the most high would say" - Lord help me not to see myself as a dissappointment to all I come in contact with. For I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and all my papers - looks like all 4 of them must be finished and published before august of this year in Jesus Name. Amen. Those people that are supposed to be working for me, I arrest them in Jesus name, and may they make my projects their priority in Jesus Name. Amen.

Going back to MT work. Thank you Jesus for answered prayers. Amen.

Itinerary

Lately, for loss of a better word, I havn't had the motivation to do anything, hence havn't had much to blog about. My life has now well and truly moved on to that next level, a level that requires all my attention. Mr # (not poetics) and I have sorted out our differences, and it's good to see him finally truly content, and in a happy place.

Work is going well, now looking for a new adventure, thankfully the next adventure I won't be doing it by myself. Seminars to prepare for, and travels to arrange. In the month of May I will be visiting Nigeria - Lagos; in the month of august Goteborg - Sweden; September USA - Santa Fe and ATL, and December back to Nigeria. Will be visiting UK on a monthly basis, So I am sending out official notice to all friends living in these aforementioned places, here is my itinerary. lol.

My students are truly working me hard. Hopefully when I have some time I will update. So how have you all been?

There trully is no place like Home

So I am now back in England for some time (ok, two weeks), so calling on all my UK crew make space in your diary for me.

Short post, but I miss you all, so I thought to just be reminding you all that I am around, but not gone.

Oh and Udo, yes you being a silent reader and all, I have something special to post on. Watch this space. lol.

I am gliding on these wheels

I am gliding on these wheels

Am tired restless, out of breath, am I dying slowly?

Am gliding on these wheels, perhaps now am sliding. Do you know how it feels?

I sometimes fear the emotions, latent, confusing, engulfing

It gets harder every morning. I feel these pains, no motivation. What’s the deal?

Am gliding on these wheels, the paradox in my life

Despite all the heating I feel this great Chill

My Sahara and Siberia

Liken life to soil, why is mine so hard to till?

Near misses, almost there, nearly there will I ever get there?

Am gliding on these wheels, the noose and earth beckon

Perhaps at the end of today, I will write my will

I shall leave my empty life and my earthy belongings behind

But with whom shall I leave my broken heart? My dilemma

Yet, I have no desire to end a life, even mine. I can’t even kill a fly

But living without the joy of loving is a void too big to fill.

Am gliding on these wheels. A life on auto pilot

I even remember to eat and pay my bill. Enough of my musing, so many things to do

Amazing how easily, how well you can drive, when your mind is far away

I get to the office, sit down and at once feel ill

My boss thinks I should rest my aching body, but it’s my mind that’s sick

Am gliding on these wheels. This ever present emptiness.

I wonder what’ll happen if I take a bit more of this pill

Ah! Sweet release. Am sleeping already. Perhaps this time it’ll be forever

Would I be missed? If I die will the world come to a standstill?

A father who loves me. My mother would die for me. My sister would kill for me. Still

Their love is of another kind. A void, an ache they can’t fulfil.

I resolve, not to die. I will struggle; I will survive for a reason

I will trod on with a resolute will

I will share my lack of love. I will visit it on that gender that plunged me downhill

Am gliding on these wheels. Now back in control?

Am having my fun with every Jill

Big, small, tall, short, slim, fat. Devoid of race, I share my skill

It’s Pathetic. They now crave for love. They grovel for it. Am sorry. No more to give

Enjoy to your fill, I’ll pay the bill. Then please go away. I enjoy the thrill

I have killed love. It’s senseless. Buy the cow? Not when the milk is free

Am gliding on these wheels. Now I don’t care

What’s this wedge?

Let go! Away! Am yet to eat to my fill

It refuses to go away. My joy. Do you want to steal?

Am perplexed

What’s the deal?

Alarm rings! Ah! Its morning still. Thank God!

Professor is making breakfast on the grill

I hugged her tightly until she screamed with that voice I know so well

I never want to let go. Her face is grim

‘What’s the matter baby’?

Darling what a dream I had. The thought of it gives me the chill

It was so vivid and seemed so real

A type of pain I never wish to feel

I wonder what my life would have been

I would have gone on without a will

I saw my life, like I never knew it before

Magic and tragic

It was disturbing still.

I am relieved as I wake up. Realizing it was a nightmare of sorts

With my sunshine at my side, how wonderful I feel

Imagine, oh imagine how life was without you.

What must I tell?!

I must talk about His faithfulness and truth.

Yes, I must talk about His goodness and how trustworthy He trully is.

I must thank God for All He has done for me. He has been too too good to me.

He rocks.

I went searching!!!

Dedicated to Udo. Happy Belated Birthday dearest. Right. Hope your birthday was a blast. Happy birthday again, love always.

I went searching for a star

I looked up to heaven. Heaven. Heaven said: you don’t need a star

‘What do I need’? I asked heaven.’ You need to find out yourself’ heaven says

I went searching for a path.

I look down to the Earth. Mother Earth says: ‘you’ve missed your path’

‘What do I need’? I asked Mother Earth.’ I don’t know’ Mother Earth says. Keep on searching.

I went searching for a test

I looked across to Fire. Fire says.’ Man, you’ve been thoroughly tested you’re akin to pure metal. You’ve not lost steam and you have enough heat. Continue your search

I went searching in the sea

I asked the sea. ‘Open your belly, uncover your secrets, and tell me what I seek you treacherous entity. tell me now or a curse on you I place’.

The sea roared and answered ‘ingrates all of you. Always, you remember my worst and not my best. I would return a curse on you as well but I pity you as your heart is heavy. You need no more voyages. Your search will not end here’

I went searching in the Wind

Swift entity, whisk me away, whisper in my ear, what am I looking for. I implore you. You enter every nook and cranny, you are in every crevice, you hear the whisper of lovers, and you must know what I seek.

The Wind answered. Although I love your flattery still I’m unable to help you. Your search confuses even me so please go ask the heavens

I went searching in the heaven- again

‘Will you help me now’?

Hmmm even I can not aid a search that is complete.

You cannot look for what you already have

You don’t need to look for what you never lost

I think you know what I am talking about

But it was good you searched so you know for sure

Am I in danger?

Yesterday was a good day, I spoke, and I bared my heart

Yet, alas it was to a total stranger

Is he? Am not quite sure about that.

That Man. I try to figure him out. Is he a trader?

A Collector of secrets? A man of tact, perhaps a buyer of fact?

Am torn between familiar emotions. Mostly anguish and anger.

For yet again I have laid my life flat

Am I now at mercy of this stranger?

Am I in danger?

My daydream for this stranger

This dream in Technicolor confuses all my facts

I ask myself: what is his agenda?

How could one call start such a pact?

Is this going to be positive and a life changer

What is going to be the impact?

Am I in danger from this stranger?

Is he still? Am not sure of that.

His heart speaks to mine so what is the danger?

Show restrain? Caution and tact? Find out more about his heart?

One thing I know for a fact: There’s no danger with this stranger

I'm not sure what's going on!

But I like it. Very very much.

Hmmm.

Something Great is really unfolding. And I can only be a spectator.

I have found myself a very comfortable seat. And I am watching it all unravel.

Could this be it? That which I have saught so hard for, that eluded me for so long?

Can you IMAGINE ME!

Many times I have wondered. Wondered what it is about God why He continues to stand by me, always by my side, even though He already knows the end. That in the end I will never fail to dissappoint Him, but He still refuses to give up.

"My parents commited adultery. My dad had many wives, sons and daughters at the time He met my mum. He killed her husband just so that He can posses her. In the end in His mercy He forgave my parents, made me ruler - even though it was never my position nor inheritance. I grew in favour with Him, was wealthy beyond my wildest imagination. The richest person in the world, but in the end I left HIM. Yes, I left God, even though I had tasted and knew He was good. Even after what He did for me, what I saw, How He opened doors, favour and unimaginable blessings. I still found worshiping Him a chore, and sought for worthless things" - (2 Sam. 11; & 1Kings 1-11) - Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

"My parents again, were childless. But one things I could give my dad credit for was He stood by my mum. He loved her still, and didn't marry another. So when the angel of the Lord appeared to her to start expecting my arrival to them, how they asked God to show them how they will raise me. They praised God and thanked Him for His goodness and His revelations on how to raise me the way of the Lord. But when I could stand by my own two feet, instead of following the way that pleases God, the way my parents had taught me, I flirted with danger, fell in-love with a deceiver, a deceiver whom I told everything that the Lord asked me to keep in order to protect myself. So that in the end by my very own words I brought about my destruction - (Judges 13 - 16). Though in the very end, I still found that God was still by my side walking with me still refusing to give up on me". Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

"Should I keep going on - I am too embarrased to give more examples. I am trully ashamed. Father in heaven, all I want to know is, since you knew this was how it would end, why did you still continue to stand by my side and hope that I will turn out better.

I really don't understand what it is about me, that causes God to have GREAT plans for me even before I was conceived. That Causes Him to celebrate in Heaven each time I take a breath. That causes Him not to sleep or slumber just so that I don't get overwhelmed, just so that He can keep watch over me. I don't understand what it about God that He lavishes so much time, resources on "me" even though He knows that one way or the other I will turn out to dissappoint Him. My goodness, what is it about you God that you are so very mindful of me. Then I realised, this is why He asked that I take each day as it comes. Each second and every minute. Because I don't know tomorrow, He knows. The problems and heart ache I will cause Him with my unbelief and waywardness. Even though He is a God of seasons, our God of yesterday, today and tommorow, He is also a God of "MOMENTS". Cherishing us. Still seing the best in us, even though he knows how we will trun out.

Father I ask that as you have given me another chance that You enable me to in the end not dissappoint you. To say like paul, I managed to finish the race by keeping the faith - 2 Tim. 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Dear Lord I have started to imagine myself, your very own who stood to the very end still holding onto you. That my very end will not dissappoint you.

I Dare you to Hope!!

J: Hello darling, how far
L: Nne I am well. Its just that lately my body seem to be really bloated. I feel like my Body is too big for me to enter..lol..
J: You are nuts,,, Emotionally nko,
L: I'm still here
J: I can tell that lately you've started to weary, and for this reason I am convinced God is about to do something super great in your life.

........ she continues.... we pray, we laugh.....

J: but always remember not to let the enemy have control over your thoughts, always keep it under lock and key
L: I have already made up my mind, that since Today.. is the day that the Lord has made, I must rejoice and be glad in it regardless of my circumstance
J:I know in my heart of hearts that something is about to break forth....... she continues..
L: I've even started to have major attacks from the enemy.... things are no longer the way it seemed, people are no longer who I thought they were........
J: Make your mind up to forgive and forget, because you have been created for bigger things....

........ we continue....... she continues....... we laugh again, pray, encourage one another..

Lately, one of the most difficult lessons I have had to learn is perseverance. I have been patient for a long while now, but it's as if in me being patient I really need to persevere. It is wonderfully true that the Lord never changes. If indeed He were to change, I will probably be in bigger difficulty. Yet I am continually amazed about how God does things.

He trully is a magnificent God.

His words tells me in Psalm 118 vs. 24: that This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. With this new revelation I was able to overcome that helplessness that always seemed to creap in whenever I start feeling sorry for myself. Reminding myself that becasue God is bigger than anything, my circumstance/situation, I need to focus on the fact that He Created today, and my first priority / command is to rejoice in this today, then maybe tommorrow I can feel sorry for myself. But seing that everyday is a day God has created, Rejoicing in it has become my top mission.lol..

After this new revelation I was consoled with the fact that God can never forget me, because He remembers me to bless me (Psalm 115 vs. 12). I was also reminded that because I have made up my mind to rejoice in the day's of the Lord, I am therefore commiting my ways to Him, which automatically means that I will succeed (Proverbs 16vs. 3). So with all this "ammunition" against "sorry days" I have been wining the battle of perseverance.

Finally the one that really "killed me" was when the Lord brought to my mind to go and read the book of Judges. I was so sure I knew all the stories in the bible, so when I had this urge to go study it again. I obeyed. As I read Judges chapter 4, I was reminded of the first time I read this book. Yes, it was that time I knew how it felt to be really dissappointed, and left for dead. That first time when I had to learn how to be patient. That first time the Lord spoke to me about the new things He was doing in my life (Isaiah 43 vs. 19). It's been many years now. But the Lord still speaks. He reminded me again in Judges 4vs. 14 - That This is the day the Lord has given me dominion over my problems (I am paraphrasing now).... Has not the Lord gone ahead of me? The moment I read this, the only words I could say was THANK YOU LORD. ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THANK YOU LORD.

So my dear friends all is indeed well with me.

Hiatus

I am currently learning what it is to persevere, And not to loose hope. An important lesson I might add, and possibly the most important of my life. I'm sorry I've been missing in action. Will be back shortly.

Wishing you all a Fantastic New Year

Dear Friends,

I am writing to you all because today is the last day of the year 2007, a year that has been for me filled with God's undeniable, unstoppable, unbelievable favour. I am believeing that the same has been also for you too; And even more, what was birthed in this 2007, you will enjoy the spoils as you enter this 2008.

So as we count down into our year of New begininngs, I would like t take this opportunity to thank you all for spending this 2007 with me, and will see you all in 2008.

Here's to a super New year.

Chears.

His Wisdom, My Help!!

It's interesting how lately I've been looking for ways to "make" my life comfortable, with respect to finding those things that make me happy. And it dawned on me that my current state of mind has nothing to do with unfulfilment, but rather actively making God proud with the skills He's given me. So after a short talk last week with a certain Mr. A, concerning "what it is I'm good at" I decided to pay the library an overly due visit (of many years - as a researcher I am truly embarrassed to say for how long I've been away).

Funnily enough I am of the "school of thought" that I can get whatever I want from the Internet (journals, index, book reviews, data...) and that going to the library was a waste of my time. However "something in my spirit" suggested i go pay the library a visit. After 4 hrs I was hooked. The tranquility of it all. The new findings/ discoveries, the empty board you can sit across and stare at as you try solving "that" theorem/algorithm/network diagram. Yes, that room that is not like your office. No phone lines to disturb your thinking, and more importantly no INTERNET surfing. Yes, this is the life of a researcher who intends to make a difference in her field.

I guess the point of this post is to apologise for going away for "such a small while". Being in the library has been keeping me busy, and I no longer want to be anywhere in my office where the Internet on the machines and the phones beckons. I am free. Free to solve those complex problems of science. I am REfocused, and thank God for His Wisdom. My students are waiting.

The Lord who has refused to let me be put to shame has now revived my enthusiasm and renewed my thirst for my work. The work He trained me to be the best at. As being the HEAD is the only place He created me to be.

Have a wonderful weekend. I know I am having yet the best days of my life.