Wishing you all a Fantastic New Year

Dear Friends,

I am writing to you all because today is the last day of the year 2007, a year that has been for me filled with God's undeniable, unstoppable, unbelievable favour. I am believeing that the same has been also for you too; And even more, what was birthed in this 2007, you will enjoy the spoils as you enter this 2008.

So as we count down into our year of New begininngs, I would like t take this opportunity to thank you all for spending this 2007 with me, and will see you all in 2008.

Here's to a super New year.

Chears.

His Wisdom, My Help!!

It's interesting how lately I've been looking for ways to "make" my life comfortable, with respect to finding those things that make me happy. And it dawned on me that my current state of mind has nothing to do with unfulfilment, but rather actively making God proud with the skills He's given me. So after a short talk last week with a certain Mr. A, concerning "what it is I'm good at" I decided to pay the library an overly due visit (of many years - as a researcher I am truly embarrassed to say for how long I've been away).

Funnily enough I am of the "school of thought" that I can get whatever I want from the Internet (journals, index, book reviews, data...) and that going to the library was a waste of my time. However "something in my spirit" suggested i go pay the library a visit. After 4 hrs I was hooked. The tranquility of it all. The new findings/ discoveries, the empty board you can sit across and stare at as you try solving "that" theorem/algorithm/network diagram. Yes, that room that is not like your office. No phone lines to disturb your thinking, and more importantly no INTERNET surfing. Yes, this is the life of a researcher who intends to make a difference in her field.

I guess the point of this post is to apologise for going away for "such a small while". Being in the library has been keeping me busy, and I no longer want to be anywhere in my office where the Internet on the machines and the phones beckons. I am free. Free to solve those complex problems of science. I am REfocused, and thank God for His Wisdom. My students are waiting.

The Lord who has refused to let me be put to shame has now revived my enthusiasm and renewed my thirst for my work. The work He trained me to be the best at. As being the HEAD is the only place He created me to be.

Have a wonderful weekend. I know I am having yet the best days of my life.

30 Days of Thankfulness 2 - Day 14 / Staying on your track

For Day 14 (Wednesday, November 14), I was tagged by Diamond for the “THANKFULNESS CHAIN”. Mine is more of a story.

Its funny how easily the desire to be like others, have what others have or possibly dominate others seem to be the driving force for many. Well I will have to admit that I have found myself doing these many times throughout my life's journeys.

I have always had this athletic build which meant I could do justice to 100 / 200meters races and come out on top. But during the races I was always overwhelmed with the fear that someone would overtake me which caused me to constantly look over my shoulder to make sure I knew where the next person was. Interestingly enough this would always cost me the race. But I never seemed to learn.

Its funny when I graduated to the 200meters sprint, and whenever I was placed in the first two lanes, this would always upset me a great deal. Because it meant that the people on lanes 6 and 7 would win the race automatically in my mind. So before the race had started I would have already given up already, and pretend to have pulled something towards the midpoint.
Its funnier even when I finally landed that lane 7, which I thought was all I needed to win the race, after putting all my effort in the first 100meters, I would realise for the next 100meters that I was no different to the people on the other lanes. Excited as I was when I started, people cheering me on as I led the pack, my parents very sure that I was the leader of the pack from where they were seated, and shocked to hear that I did not win the race. Interesting enough I never fully understood why? And even more baffling that the races I was the favourite for I never seemed to win. But It all makes sense now. My attitude and planning was different. I believed in my own strength, and would always predict the outcome of the race depending on my starting point. If the starting point wasn't in my favour, giving up was the next option. And also during the race I always made a point to constantly look over my shoulder to check the positions of others in the race. So as you could see I was never a serious contender. Going where the wind blew my decisions could be likened to.

so TODAY I am thankful that the Lord has used this example to REVEAL Himself to me. To help me understand why the track that I am on is unimportant in the race called life. We don't all have the same starting position and many always seemed to advance more than others, which always causes one to feel envious, evaluate themselves, wonder why their case is different, feel cheated and maybe cry out to God. But the one thing God keeps bringing to my memory is the people on lane 6 and 7 (who represent the leaders of the pack from your point of view), and the ones on lanes 1 and 2 (lagging behind - a position I always found myself in). It may appear that they are winning the race, but its all about where you are looking at it from.

Have you not noticed this? When the people in lanes 6 and 7 comes out of the bend (the first 100meters) they level up with the others in the previous 5 lanes. A reminder that we will all get to that point, the end of the first 100meters, which is where the race really begins - the beginning of the next 100meters.

This is why Paul warns us in the books of the bible - In 1 Corinth. 9:24 (Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize); asking us why we gave up on the race even when we were doing well, Gal. 5:7 (You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?); And the reminder of pushing ahead to finish the race the Lord has called each and everyone one of us for regardless of the track He placed us on, Acts 20: 24 (However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace).

I have found myself many a times giving up in situations where I should have kept running. That is why the Lord reminds us that the race is not to the swift - or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all - Ecc. 9:11. Then it finally hit me, I have tried looking over my shoulders which always cost me the race on the track. But I will be foolish to repeat the same mistake in the race called life. I refuse to look over my shoulder to evaluate my position by comparing my life to the life of others, but to ask God to help me "pace" my self with His strength. So that I can finish the race well.

so TODAY I am thankful to God for His Revelations, through which I am able to appreciate His Love and Peace of mind during the life's journeys. His Joy whenever I remember the great plans He has for me and the family, friends and people He has surrounded me with. Today Dear Lord I am Thankful for the Journey called Life, which many have in one way or the other dropped out from, but you've still encouraged me to run on.

So today dear friends, what will you do with your own race? Are you going to give up on your race because of the track that you are on? Or are you willingly to be patient for the Lord to take you through this first phase and into the finishing straights. Would your answer be like that of Paul's who said in 2 Tim. 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.Or would it be something opposite. I pray that the former will be your answer.

Thank you Miss D for tagging me, for tomorrow the 15th of November I tag Believer and temmytayo.

For TONYI

I was almost tired, when they told me to join them. Come they said, let us go. But I always declined. Too serious to do anything. Too tightfisted to spend my money on anything other than what others should see. Vanity I know, but I have spent too long already in lonely places.

I was almost tired, when I finally tracked down Udo, my best friend of when I was 10years old. She was half German and half Nigerian. I skipped all my classes including my after school classes which my mum had paid a fortune for me to attend. It was always fun walking the streets with Udo. Besides we never failed a class. I was shocked to find out she was still the same dear friend. I haven't seen her for almost 15 years now. I was never a writer, so you were sure not to get any letters from me, but that didn't mean you were never thought of each day. Mum always asked me about you. I know she will be excited to hear about you.

I was almost tired when you told me of pamela, and shobanna, other members of our crew - pamela the only child of a very wealthy man and shobanna our sri lankan friend. How you lost contact with pamela when you had to return to germany after the death of your dad and how you lost shobanna's addy after many years of contact when she too returned to srilanka. I still remember those days when your mum opened up your garage to turn it into a little shop, and how we ate out all the stuff in the shop, because we were always hungry. Gosh how I've missed you and those days. The wildest times of my life. My mum oblivious to the fact that her daughter was skipping school, and my dad not bothered with my results. You see I was never going to be that heart surgeon. I was too rough in the edges to be proper. I guess they would have been happy regardless of whatever I chose to do.

I was tired when you reminisced about the old times, and all those ladies in our class who just hated us. They called us "the light skin" group. Everyone wanted to be our friend, but we thought we were too good for them. "How dare they think they could mix with us. Do we look like their class. Do we look like their family. Do we smell like them". "Gosh how they stank we would always say". I remember when the teachers used to cane you, because you refused to be biade's friend when her mum came and begged you. How many was it 24 strokes. I never got the strokes. But I did deserve it though. For all the teachers knew my mum, and for some reason thought I was a good girl..lol.. I guess we never took school seriously because we knew we were not going to be around too long.

I was tired when I asked you about Tonyi, the bulky looking girl. I thought I was muscular with all my athletic build, but in Tonyi I saw a new meaning to the word bulky. She used to just sit and stare at us, with a dirty grin. Her stares always made me uncomfortable and I was convinced they were always filled with hate; but I never remembered being frightened of it. I guess maybe it was a disappointing look, maybe it was a jealous look; whatever it was she always convicted my spirit. I don't remember hating her, only wondered why she would cause me to humble myself whenever she was around. Does she know who I am. Does she know how many boys I can beat down in 2 seconds flat. Does she know what they call me around the school.

I was tired when you told me how she died. She died Udo. Tonyi died. Did I hear you say Tonyi died. The news pierced through my heart. She died shortly after I left. She was staying with her aunt, who used her as her house girl. One night she was very ill, but they still told her to go and fetch water for them. It was very dark and there were no lights, but she still had to go out to the well that had been dug in the premises. As she bent over to pull the rope tied to the well bucket which she had thrown into the well she must have felt faint and fell into the well. The family didn't even bother to go check why she hadn't brought the water back, they only looked for her the next day and found her inside the well.

I remember how she had started making an effort to be friendly. She had this beautiful bible decorated with stickers, which she carried as if it were her most prized possession. She was the only smelly peeps I started to smile and say hello to. Whenever I saw her I always felt compelled to go and say hello. She gave me some of her stickers, and promised to get me a bible just like hers. Later she invited me to her church, where she told me I could get a bible just like hers. A baptist church. I started seeing her around outside school. I also found out she only lived 2 roads from me. I started seeing a side of her that I was previously too proud to see. She had a beautiful smile, which brightened her square shaped head, fixed to her body with a seriously stiff neck. She always walked as if she had a limp, most of the time from side to side. I remember when my dad came and told us that the school system wasn't working for us, and that our trial was over. I remember going to say goodbye to Tonyi. And she sent me on with her blessings.

I've been back to Nigeria since many times to look for her, but that house always looked deserted. It all makes sense now. Why she stared at us at the beginning, the foolish girls who knew nothing of the hardship of life and took it for granted. How tears have refused to stop flowing down my cheeks.

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of taking my life for granted. I am tired of taking God for granted. I am tired of making the same mistakes so many years still after the earliest recorded mistakes. Who told me the journey called Life will be an easy one. No one said it will be filled with people. My path has been so far one not many have travelled. Many are the days, months years I have spent all by myself. If it were not going to be the case, then God would not have had to say to me "He will never leave me or forsake me" - for this statement is to encourage many like me, who have had to journey to places on their own.

So yet again, today I intend to live each day like its my last day, for every second I am here is more seconds than I had previously, and be Thankful that I have known the love of family, friends and the LOVE of God.

I am sorry Tonyi for the way I had behaved even at such a young age. I pray that you find rest and peace wherever you are. You have always been in my thoughts, and always remember that even though I never showed it, I truly appreciated you, and you were loved by little old proud me.

Adieu my friend.

I was Dying But Now I LIVE

Completely Healed.

On the 12th of october this year, I hadn't been feeling too well all day and was trying to sit out the dizzy spells. Whenever I feel lightheaded I always try and sit still for as long as it took to get rid. I also asked a collegue for an aspirin.. yes.. I do have a pharmacy background and know aspirins are "anti-inflammatory's" and so should be used "if" pain is felt. Well I did say I was abit dilerious. I took 400mg, and still didnt feel any better.

After visiting the bathroom I decided at 9.45pm to do a final check before I left for home, but as I tried to stand I collapsed and fell in my office becoming unconcious. Was on the floor for many minutes, before I heard the footsteps of my collegues. I woke up, tried to make a dash for my door when they asked me if I was coming with them. As I told them to give me just five minutes, I became unconcious again. They were afraid, called the paramedics, as I was going in and out of unconciousness - 4 times before the paramedics had arrived and again twice when I was with them.

I doubt my collegues will forget that day in a hurry. When I was taken to the hospital, the doctor found out I was anaemic, to the point where I had lost half of my blood. But how could this have happened. Well, as they tried to keep me in / admit me, I remembered my mum " saying to myself, they will not kill my mum for me" God-forbid if she was to hear I was in the hospital. I discharged myself immediately, promising to visit a GP at the earliest, and to start an Iron treatment as soon as possible. My collegue who was with me begged me to stay but I refused. We had only walked a few steps when we realised there were no taxis outside, and as he went back to get the receptionist to call one, he heard a man running screaming in Italian, "there is a lady dying outside". Well the doctors ran out, carried me onto a trolly and wheeled me into the main part of the hospital before I could say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". lol.

I was then held hostage in the hospital and was not going to be let out until my Haemoglobin count got to 8.0. The doctors were very confused and baffled on the reason a young gal like me could have lost alot of blood, and after all the tests could not find anything. Every thing was fine, but I was still loosing blood.

The Lord had surrounded me with such nice people to work with that I had visitors constantly, bringing me food, fruits, gifts that I will never consider buying for myself, flowers,, so much love. I got all the "hot" nightware stuff, slippers, new clothes, tons of sucks, Coco Madmoselle by Chanel to keep me smelling fresh.. so much gifts, that some of my visitors wished they were in my bed instead of me. My mum who had boarded the next flight out to take me back to the UK for specialist treatment was amazed with the treatment that I had that she was happy that I was in the right place.

The doctors decided to give me stuff to fix my stomach walls (just incase it was leaking out through there), after which my HB count started to rise. But they still didn't know what could have caused it. The day before I was due to be discharged (which was Monday October 22nd), the doctors decided to do a final test for a certain bacteria, and there it was, there was a bacteria embedded in my duodenum (over 25.8%) that had made little holes in my stomach causing my blood to leak, and the aspirin didn't help too much cause it had thinned out my blood and increased the blood flow. Aparantly you can contract it as a child through water.. lol.. (hmmmm what dirty water have I been drinking.lol..). So there it was. I never felt any pain, and the silly thing was just there making all this holes and just increasing its population..lol.. To think I almost went home with them in my stomach still..lol.. I have now finished my course on antibiotics..

To say that my steps were ordered by God is so evident, because if my collegues weren't at work that late, or if I had gone home earlier that day, I would have gone from being unconcious to starving my brain of oxygen and then slipped into a coma without anyone knowing. I say this, because the nurses kept waking me up the first four nights I was there to make sure I was still in the land of the living..lol.. And again because I walked home down a steep path with a nice waterfall flowing by, I could have just have fallen and no one would know I was there.

So I want to take this opportunity to thank God for the supernatural miracle He did for me, and how He surrounded me with people so that when the enemy tried his best, the ones for me were greater than the ones against. I was discharged on Tuesday the 23rd of October.

So my blogpals keep giving out crazy praise to God, for I was dying, and now I LIVE.

Thank YOU

My love to all and heart fealt thanks to all those who prayed and contacted me during my stint (12 days to be more precise) in the hospital (will elaborate another day).

To say that the Lord is indeed a healer is an understatement considering what He did for me. He is my ROCK and Salvation, the Love of my Life and my body guard. In the darkest hour, He refused to let me be sifted, for He had already spoken a word concerning my Life, and because He is not a man to lie nor the son of man to change His mind, He used His own hands to bring about my healing so that the Words He had already spoken He will bring to pass.

I love you all, and Thank You again.

RESULT!!!!!!!

His Words says in Psalm 18 vs. 43 -46:

"Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people; and thou hast made me the head of the heathen: a people whom I have not known shall serve me. As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me. The strangers shall fade away, and be afraid out of their close places".

The Lord is indeed a wonder - all I can do is but testify of His goodness. Today was thE Board meeting I blogged about many weeks back. And even though I trembled before the presence of men who have caused impacts in their field of science, the Lord helped me ALSO to stand. To think that little me, was able to present to such an audience and STILL came out smelling like roses was quite an achievement.

This was not the first time I have had to present, I have been presenting my work for over 5years now, but this one was a little different. The future livelihood of the centre and its existence depended on my skill of expertise and my ability to wow the directors who would then relay back to the funding body if a further 5years should be granted after 2010.

But I stood on His word in psalm 18 vs. 43 - 46; and took captive of their mind to make them obedient to Christ Jesus. I am glad to say I had an excellent presentation (If I say so myself - and was very well congratulated by the board). Now I pray that they will grant the centre their requests.

My position here was created for such a day like this, and the centre was proud to announce the recruitment of their top expert “which apparently was Me" - lol.

The Lord has spoken that I will be the Head. And nothing can reverse His words. So even though I felt that I was going to go out and disgrace my God, because He gave me this position and I was foolishly wasting it, He still stood by me irrespective of my stupidity. Thank you Lord, for not treating me as my sins deserve. Today I am a leading biologist. Who would have thought it?

Okay, I HAVE Got to give God some CRAZY praise!!

My church here in Verona had dedicated a three day fast (for the last three days of the month of September) that was to end on Sunday. I partly joined – well to tell the truth I really didn’t. You see I don’t have breakfast here, because its coffee and croissant (whatever), have a huge lunch (courtesy of you know who), and no dinner (cause of the fear of getting fat). So in all, technically it could be said I already fast, so I will be deceiving God, when I know I already don’t eat after a certain time. So I chose to pray more and read the bible (the bible part – well not as much as I would have hoped).

So on Saturday I told myself wouldn’t it be funny if I woke up late and missed my train on the day to break the fast and I WAS LEADING Worship. I told myself what nonsense. I rebuked that thought immediately. I woke up on time, but for some reason was dillydallying, and looked at my time 22 minutes before my train leaves. I almost fell on the floor. You see it’s a half an hrs walk to the train, and I haven’t been feeling too well so wasn’t sure how I would get to the train on time. I screamed so loud, carried my back pack and made a dash for the door (the buses are hourly, already missed it). I started to run. My heart, lungs whatever gave way. I could no longer breathe (after 1 meter - I am so unfit – don’t let my mountain climbing deceive you). I decided to hitch a ride, no one would stop (why would they, black girls here stop cars for you know what). I started to run again, telling myself I won’t make it, but had to rebuke the thought, and started to tell myself I will. As I made a run for the roads, from nowhere a lady stopped. She spoke no English, but said “stazione” I nodded and she took me there. I was so grateful. I got to the station train was delayed by 10mins. Was upset for stressing myself, but this was the beginning.

I finally got on the train, arrived in Verona the same time I usually arrive, but my pickup had been and gone (he was very early – wanted to get to the church on time cause it’s a very significant day). I called him, he was on some different network that charged like a Euro per min, ended up telling him I’ll get the bus and to inform the choir that I wont be able to lead worship – will be late (also called Pastor to tell him), but forgot to get the bus number. Tried to call back to find out, credit finished. I was like, OK then I’m going home. Don’t know where I was going, and can’t be getting a taxi, where will I tell the driver to take me. As I contemplated going home, I saw some of my church members, their bus had been delayed. As in I thanked God for seeing them.

We waited, bus was still nowhere in sight, so I offered to pay for taxi, so we could at least make it to church. When we got there, I still managed to lead the Worship, Most amazing service, and GOD confirmed the words He spoke to me during my last week in Blacksburg at the family conference meeting. I was now more than sure that God had purposely brought me to this country. It was simply an amazing service. Finally when the pastors dropped me off at the train station to get my train, there were no trains.

I waited and waited nothing. I wasn’t sure what to do, there were too many people at the train station, and I thought something big was going down in Verona. After an hr and a half wait, I decided to get myself on the cue and try my non-existent Italian at the ticket people to find out what was happening.

On joining the cue I spoke to this German lady who spoke English who informed me that there was a National Strike. The train drivers were ON STRIKE – and only my Line was affected. Yes can you imagine a national strike but only MY line was affected. The train Italia was on strike from 9pm Saturday to 9pm Sunday, but only trains coming and going to my end were cancelled.

I was also informed that there should never have been any train (as in under normal circumstance I should not have been in Verona that day). It was plastered every where that no trains will be running (which obviously I couldn’t read), and it was just random that there was that train from nowhere that morning. It was the only random train that ran that day to Verona.

The only train that should have left during that Strike period was 9.21pm train on Sunday evening from Trento.

So you see I had to have gotten on that train, because God had made a way for me to get to Verona to hear what he had for me. And for some reason I wasn’t supposed to attend that service (under normal circumstance). Sometimes I wonder, who am I that He is so mindful of me.

People at work are shocked that I made it to Verona on Sunday morning, like no way, there shouldn’t be any train, and even if there was, they would stop during the strike period on the tracks, never getting to the destination. But Here I was, on a strike day, on a random train that got me to my destination. And I was on it to hear the message GOD had for me.

Yes I ended up staying for 5 hrs at the train station to catch the 9pm train back, but I didn’t mind the wait, because the Lord pulled out all the stops for me to get there, and Hear what He wanted me to know.

So my message to you is, don’t worry you can never loose out with God. When He has something for you, He'll pull out all the stops to make sure you get. So keep giving God crazy praise because He is more than ABLE and can move mountains just for you only.

Promises of Restoration

Hey you.

Yes you.

I am talking to you.

Did I just hear you talk about me. Did I just hear you just try to muffle a laugh concerning what you’ve just heard about me. Wow. Keep on doing what you are doing – Did you not know that my sorry state has caused God to make a promise to me – to restore my fortunes and have compassion on me.

Ahh, I see, you didn’t know of His promises of restoration in Jeremiah 33 vs. 1 – 26. Come on over and I will recite it to you.

This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it —the LORD is his name:

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

I will bring health and healing to You; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.

I will bring (You) back from captivity and will rebuild you as you were before.

I will cleanse You from all the sin You have committed against me and will forgive all Your sins of rebellion against me.

Then You will bring me renown, joy, praise and honour before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for You; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for You.'

You say You are a desolate waste, but there will be heard once more the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the LORD, saying,

"Give thanks to the LORD Almighty, for the LORD is good; his love endures forever."

For I will restore the fortunes of You as they were before,' says the LORD.

The days are coming,' declares the LORD, 'when I will fulfill the gracious promise I made to You.

You will be saved, and You will live in safety. For God is the LORD Our Righteousness.'

This is what the LORD says: 'If you can break my covenant with the day and my covenant with the night, so that day and night no longer come at their appointed time, then my covenant with You —can be broken - which we know is impossible

“Have you not noticed that these people are saying, 'The LORD has rejected You? So they despise You and no longer regard You. This is what the LORD says: 'If I have not established my covenant with day and night and the fixed laws of heaven and earth, then I will reject You. – But we know our God is a convenant keeping God.

For I will restore Your fortunes and have compassion on You.

Laughing at me!!

So I've been walking everywhere, you know doing the training, trying to look / keep looking buff, as I am getting older you see, so all I have is my HOTNESS. So got to keep it, can't be eating all this Italian food and no excercise. I will not be recognisable. lol.

So on Sunday, I was running late so decided to walk fast / run / jog to the train station wearing my church clothes. Couldn't help but have a sweaty arm, so I said to myself, "who cares really, those choir members will not sing moving songs, so I dont have to wave my hand too much so no one will see the sweat marks" - I could just fold it. And no one will see. " Make sure you keep your hands by your waist".

Thats how I got to the church, really tried not to wave my hands, until the pastors wife came and did her thing. Immediately I started to laugh, as in peeps must have thought I was crazy. I kept laughing thinking that this God must have a sense of humour. The one time, I had told myself, to make sure my arms were fastened to my waist was the one time this woman said "wave your hands" and praise God with your waves. Show Him what He means to you, and blah blah.. I was Holy Spirit why now, you want to just disgrace me lolol.. But I obeyed, lifted it so high and wide (obedience is better than sacrifice). And thinking who cares if my rep goes, what matters is my rep with God.

This sunday was just amazing. All the things I had thought of, tried not to do, been worried about, even times I wondered if it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me - this sunday I felt a rebirth and I remembered His words in - 1 Thes. 5 vs. 16 -21 - Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good.

So here's to holding on. I am breaking up unploughed ground, for it is time for me to reap the fruit of unfailing love (Hosea 10 vs. 12).

So Aparantly I am a WORLD expert..

This is why they want to kill me at work with exessive work, and because they want plenty more money for their research from "Micro" they want to parade me, so that I can bambozzole them into agreeing. I mean who sent them. I've been trying to hide jejely, surfing the net, appearing on Facebook 5 zillions times a day, but now that I have been exposed all this "ego" they have been paying me I must "regurgitate" it all.

Ok so I just came back from a meeting. The next coming months will indeed be interesting months in "the life of a stranger". I need God's deliverance and favour. As in these people think I'm some "okoko" woman like that, that knows it all.. God please this your favour must shine forth. Because as I see things, hmmm, only God can make my light shine infront of all this big guns. Even this Process Calculus technique, the word process is even confusing me..

Ok let me go back and see if I can just "smusheeel .. concurt.. wharever" something.

Hmmm so it has started... it has started in earnest I am afraid to say...

Father Help me, biko forgive me for not doing anything this last many months, and just coming to work for the sake of it, and appearing intelligent. It is now that they will know that I am really an empty vessel... please don't expose me just yet.. I beg..

Update

aaahh I need something to do that is not work related. Anyone fancies coming and teaching me how to have fun by myself. Better still come and have it with me. This is a public invitation. I'm beginning to pull out my hair.. scream.. I am Bored of hanging with myself for so long and just coming to work. It is always me myself and I. Then I walk home for one hr late at night by myself. Then I go to an ampty house. Sleep and start the day again. Surely there is more to life than this. I'm slowly slipping away...... I try and plan fun stuff with collegues.. but they all have their lives to lead.. so I am always back to me. I LOVE Me don't get me wrong, but I've been hanging with me now for so long now. Me is boring the living daylights out of me.

I've not been feeling myself

I think I'll give mountain climbing a break. I think I've overdone many things right now. Just two days ago, I could barely climb 1200 meters, can you imagine? Was so exhusted, but still managed to get to the top. The climbers with me noticed I wasn't my cherry self. They felt bad, aww, that they ruined my day by making me hike to the top with them. They didn't realise, like all things, some things must come to an end. Regardless of how long you've been doing it or been at it. Exhustion doen't bring out the best in people. Can actually push people away. So I don't want my new found best friends to go. So I will make time to rest. Mean while, they want me to cycle with them for 40miles to the next town. You know me and my amebo self will want to join them, because I want to always be there for all the LIVE actions. Don't want to miss out. lol.

Meanwhile on other news, I have been asked to lead the worship section in my new church. I did'nt say I was a great singer, I can just carry tunes..lol..But I thank God for this opportunity and pray that I can use what little He's given me to sing praises to HIM.

I miss sista B and kel called wonder. Please people call me now. Kelly, throw that phone away it doesn't work.

My peace have gone, he exclaimed!

"Fifi burst into the room where I had sat for a little while trying to get the gist of what it was I was reading" - She said.

She was filled with pain. She looked like she had been crying for days on end, "in a little bit of a rush" she said to me. Do you know any lawyers? She asked. I need some legal advice. And I don't have much money. I need to find an affordable one.

I was a little confused. She couldn't tell me why she needed one, except that it was very urgent she found one. I had gone through a divorce proceeding before so I knew how to locate one. Besides I was surrounded by many, so I suggested - she contacted the citizen’s advice bureau, on catford high road, and ask for legal aid. I also jotted down, all the lawyers on the south London area, and quickly laid my hands on a news paper I was reading earlier to look for any lawyers advertising their services.

After all my efforts, she left with all the information I had found, and her burden a little lifted. I started to wonder why she would need one, and for what reason. You see Fifi, was the best friend anyone could ever have, but we were never close. I knew her through a friend of a friend and also through that friend I heard that she was now married and had a handsome son.

The next day, Fifi came to me again, I smiled and said to her, we need to stop meeting like this. She told me she was looking for a job, whatever it was she would do. I suggested we stepped into the MacDees next door to have some coffee and discuss her options. When we entered we were met by their care assistants, who told us they were hiring people for Wednesday nights. Fifi looked at me and said, “I want to apply”. I looked at her and replied, “I will join you”. She was shocked and said to me, could anyone of your calibre ever want to reduce her standards to help a friend. I smiled and replied; only the humble and secure in the Lord can. I am not proud, and working here doesn't reduce who I am in Christ Jesus, neither does it have any influence on my confidence. I will join you, and donate my earnings towards your cause. She smiled a little, yet still refusing to tell me what had entangled her so.

Many evenings had passed, before I decided to call in on Fifi. I've never been to her house before, neither have I ever met her husband and son. I knocked on her door. She came to the door opened it, and let me in. She looked like she hadn’t been out all day, was in her night wear and her husband and son was no where in sight. She started to wail, and said, “My husband no longer lets me touch him. He is disgusted by the mere sight of me, and every time I go to him in our marital bed, he pushes me out and calls me names”. She stopped after that, and left the living room, pacing from one end of her house to the next. I didn’t have the opportunity to try and console her, she looked like she was on a one way destination to breakdown and there was no return from there. As the evening progressed, so also did her dementia.

I waited patiently, in her living room, not sure what else to do, the whole house was filled with darkness as she refused to put any of the lights on, so I sat in that darkness. She was no longer forthcoming with any more information.

As I waited I heard the front door open. Her husband stepped in, and with her son asleep in his little car seat. He must have thought she was alone in the house or no one was in. He lit the hall way light, I stood up from the chair I sat on, she went to greet him, he saw her and as he turned away from her, he saw me. I saw in his eyes, he too was filled with pain. He started to look at me intently, and could no longer hold the pain. He started to cry, a grown man crying. He started to walk again towards the door on his way out, and said to me – “ask her what she did. Ask her why she’s stained so badly. Ask her why her brother has refused to settle down, and her sister will never get married. Ask her what manner of family she comes from. Ask her, why she couldn’t come to me before”.

In that moment it all made sense. “She was raped by her father as a child along with all her siblings”. She was too ashamed to tell her husband. And only after they got married did she tell him.

I ran to her immediately, I held her in my arms tight and refused to let her go. She tried to wriggle her way out, and I refused to let her force her way out. I must have held her what felt like forever, when she finally spoke. In her pain she asked me “what manner of person are you, and why will you not let me die in my pain. I’ve only heard and met you a few times, but I’ve never known you. Yet you decided to trust me and stick with me regardless of whatever my situation was. You have been a good friend to me, never asking me questions, but always going out of your way to help me”.

I didn’t know what to say, and without thinking, words started pouring out of my mouth, as if someone was speaking through me. I reminded her of how precious and important she was to everyone and more importantly how much God loves her. I said to her “that the only mistake you made was not telling him about your past”. By this omission she had broken his trust and the peace that he had. What infuriated him more was the fact that she could not trust him enough and be open about her past before they got married. He wondered if she was unable to tell him about this, what more could she be hiding. These thoughts continued to fill his mind and the only way to show her how much she hurt him was to taunt her with it instead.

She had come to me for legal advice because she was going to bring her father accountable for what he did in a bid to save her marriage and regain the trust of her husband. As he went out to try and get away in his car, something constrained him. He could no longer move but weep in the car for the innocence of his wife that was lost and how the pain of her past was now trying to ruin his once blissful marriage. This night was the first night he had said any words to her concerning how he felt since that fateful day she told him. He braced himself. Carried their son back into the house and said to her – “my peace have gone. And I have no way of ever getting it back”.

I realised, I was brought into that family, into that situation for such a time. And that the only way to be an effective friend in such situation is to let them ask for your help. The first time Fifi sought my help was the first day she came to see me, but I had to wait until the right time to be effective. Yet the Lord had brought our paths closer ten years previous for such a time. People come into your life for a reason and for a season; only in that season can you bring that needed change. I was brought into Fifi’s life for ten years, but was only needed to be effective after many years had passed.

Fifi and her husband were able to work through their problems because God was able to use She, who made herself available to be used. We must always make ourselves available to be used by God in our everyday life. Fifi never really knew much about She, but when she had no where else to turn she remembered Her. Her relationship with God was the gist of their crowd, and Her refusal to compromise was the talk of their circle. And because of the way She lived, God used Her to be effective in bringing closure and much needed healing to Fifi and her family.

So I ask you today. What kind of Christian are you? And most importantly, what manner of friend are you? Can God use your life to bring healing, restoration and hope to those around you?

slumming it in Venice

Slumming it in a jolly camp in venezia. Its been fun catching up with baby sisters back packing through Italy. And might I add, I thought back packing meant walking, running and catching buses and trains. Well these two are back packing flying. Can you imagine? They are flying all around Italy with a back pack. Anyways. I am supposed to be slumming it with them this weekend in Venezia. After one night, I / We have left jolly camping for my nice apartment in trento. Enough of all these mosquito bites. This was not the life I was born to live.

From Italia with Love.

Update

I've been told by a collegue that Napoli should have been an awsome visit, and that next time I should get a guide. So I'm doing a repeat performace on the 7th of september. Ok, let me tell the truth, I LURVEEEE my jeans so much, I'm going to go buy 5 more pairs..lol.. maybe this time I will get a guide - to see napels and then fully understand the saying "see Napels and die" - obviously I will not die yet. I will live to a ripe old old age. Still looking hot in my D and G jeans by the way. lol.

I know how it feels to be a wedding crasher!!

So my good friends invited me to their best friends wedding and obviously did mention it to the couple that they were bringing people. The wedding I went to in mill hill / edgeware - London was really something, I mean most of the fellas were practically married with their wives in tow, and you could see the wedding guests were mostly close family and friends. They were all smartly dressed, no gele and native in sight, simply professional people look. You would think all the men were grooms men as in they were all wearing the same tie, and colour shirt. The DJ started out lousy, but made up later with his old school music and whatnot. I was dancing on the dance floor like there was no tommorrow, my feet were hurting, I was tired, but I didn't or couldn't go and sit down for a little while because all the songs were my songs - as my friends brother exclaimed. It got to a point, I had to take my shoe off just so that I would continue to break dance on the dance floor. I so so enjoyed my self.

But the silly video / camera man kept videoing me. As in he was always in my face. I tried my best to shake him off, but dude kept recording me. I was so self consious. Kept thinking how the bride and groom would get their wedding video and be wondering who this "shaking her thing" woman was. For a while there I was thinking maybe I need to step off the dance floor, but I was like the DJ is playing my tunes, and I wasn't about to let what he was doing intimidate me off. lol.

Anyways, the following day when the bride called my friend she had to tell her that just in case she saw this particular lady and wonders who she was on her wedding video its her friend. This really thought me a lesson, to better get your own invitation and know the people you are going to eat their rice, because you could either catch a bouquet or in my case boogy too much on the dance floor and get noticed, only for the people paying for the rice to start to wonder who you are or how they let you in. lol.

I'm still in the UK, really enjoying myself. I am now at my parents, and will be leaving for manchester in a few days.

In a witness protection program for my own safety

So far, so near, so out of place.

Then one Sunday morning, in the quiet suburbia streets of Radford in a wonderful church a revelation which quickened my spirit and renewed my resolve was heard through my ears, which resounded in my Spirit and revived my soul. I finally realized, that I was not being punished for what I used to do or did, but because God must increase in my life and in my circumstance, I have had to face such. That even if I had given my life to God, God will and can still allow me to be in my prison, in isolation – John 3 vs. 22 – 26; 30; That sometimes we face situations, just so that God will be praised in our lives. You see prison is a place of isolation / bondage / can’t get out or in unless you are allowed – a place where you are left limited.

Then I realized that God had isolated me for a reason, a purpose – That He has put me in the right place so that He can speak to me. It dawned on me that I had been fighting situations that I haven’t been able to win, with the intension that I am prevented from trying to fix my problems. He brought to my remembrance that no weapons formed against me will prosper – but in the mean time, he has placed me in isolation in a witness protection program. But to remember that the witness protection program was only temporary, as he has gone already ahead to fix my stuff, and has brought me to a point where I only have Him to talk to and pray to, no distractions, disturbance, wondered thoughts, just me and Him. That the situation I find my self in has occurred because God must increase in my life.

My jaws fell, that aha moment – that realisation, that it wasn’t until John went to Jail that Jesus went to Galilee – That only when I decrease can God start moving in my life – Isaiah 40 vs. 31. So I am thankful to be chosen, and in my weakness and struggles God is made more perfect. And therefore rejoice all the more for His favour in allowing me to go though the building process in perfecting that which He started in me.

UPDATE

I guess y'all know I've been on some sort of training - carrying on with my spending of the food card they gave here, but WALK everywhere - in a bid to loose 5kg in 4 months. The last time I managed to loose 3kg in 6months, which was awsome. So anyways I remember telling a friend I was hoping to loose 5kg by just "trecking" - he laughed, he said nne, you will have to do more. Then I told myself, even if its 1kg, its better than anything.

So last week of June I started. 23rd of June to be precise. Weighed in yesterday 15th of August, I have lost 3kg - 6.6lbs in less than 2 months, and still 2 more months left. I am so happy. No wonder I've been looking so good in those jeans, I just thought it was a coincidence.lol. Anyways I celebrated by doing a 1 and half hrs walk.

So, I've decided not to overly give a positive comment

Yep,

this is a really short post about my 1 day and 2 night’s trip to Naples. Because my younger brother and sister were around my end on their tour of continental Europe, we decided to go visit Naples. Mind you, my reasons were obviously different to theirs. I went to spend some serious money on garms, they probably wanted to see the ships, the marines, what Naples is really known for.

The journey was a very tedious and tiresome one. We didn't reserve our seats, so the coach we had fully occupied and really stretched out in and was getting some serious sleep in;, well the owners came and used Italian to bamboozle me and tried to kick us out, can you imagine. Obviously my sister who is fluent in French, figured out what they were saying (French and Italian have same origin) and had to tell them that I "non capisco" them, they calmed down and actually, started to respect us / me. Wow, the power of being an English speaker in Italy.

Anyways, the people came in apologised, sat down put the lights on and started talking – like having a serious conversation at 2am at night. My goodness. The cheek. Anyways, the Lord said I should give them my other cheek to slap after they had slapped the first one. I was exhausted after the train journey, hit the market got some serious stuff for my mum, she will be looking supper lovely when I see her next and got me those super fly sexy jeans. Oh and before I got them, the shop keeper at one shop told me I was FAT. Can you imagine? The Italian sizes are different from other European sizes, so I was taking my UK size 10 (four in number) jean, when this woman took three from my hand and told me, that I can never fit in them. I was like “whara hell”; she pointed at my bum, and spoke in Italian. My translators translated what the woman was saying to me. In the end I forcefully took one off her, tried them, and got the shock of my life. “YeeY Mogbe”, after all my walks, exercises, fasting (not in the biblical sense); I still can’t fit into size 10 again in this country. I left that shop with my money, and went and got me some D&G ones instead. But even though they were XL, I still look fly in them.

So apart from the 2 pairs of Jeans, a very nice silver bag, plenty of nice tops and my mums shoes and bags galore, that was all I went all the way to Napoli / Naples to buy. It was the month of august and on a Saturday, so most of the traders were already in some beach in Italy on holiday. So not as successful as I had wished, ooh well. We definitely reserved our seats on the way back, what a comfy journey. We saw Rome, Florence and many more cities. Oh and we didn't get to the harbours. The place was a dump, and the train station area reminded me of "Ajegunle" market in Lagos. My brother once said civilization is a concept of the mind. Just because we are in Europe does not infer that there will always be nice places. Many places in Nigeria are way better than most places in the western world.

Because of your Grace

Thank God for Journey Mercies,

Thank God for Protection,

Thank God for His loving Kindness,

Thank God for His healings,

and Peace of mind.

Most of all Thank God for Jesus Christ, only because of Him I can finish this race.

Today was kind of a sumbre day. Not sure why. I miss him.

You are the only one I need!!

I am so excited that we are nearing the end of 2007. You probably think I'm crazy right, like we are in the month of July, just past the middle of the year, what rubbish maths I'm I doing, I'm showing I'm a Math illiterate. LOL.

But the calendar I'm using is the Jewish calendar, which starts in October. So I've decide to do a run down series of the promises God gave me for this 2007, and how He has been faithful in bringing them to pass, even though we have less than two months left. Yey.

The Plan

So when I entered my 2007, I entered it believing it was my year of release. I had survived 2006, and had entered 2007, where seven represented a number for dominion, a number for rest. It was now my year of unbelievable, undeniable, unstoppable favour of God. However prior to entering into it, since I believed that it was my year of such favours, I had to prepare myself. No one goes to a dinner party at the Ritz in a swim wear, one need to make sure they are wearing the proper attire. Therefore the same applies here.

I realised that even though my favour had nothing to do with merit and deeds, my actions can still affect how much of it I get, and therefore I needed a PLAN. What I'm I trying to say?, that the favour of God will rest upon my life as long as I obey Him that sent me, as disobedience causes a reduction of the Favour. Take for example, Jonah - His life was spared (because God loved him anyways), but because he disobeyed he had to continue the rest of his journey in the belly of a fish, when it could have been a first class affair - Jonah 1 vs. 12 -17.

Another example is the life of Asa, King of Judah - 2nd Chronicles 14 - 16. He had ruled for 40 years, most of which He was not at war with anyone. Because he sought the Lord, the Lord gave him rest (2nd Chron. 14 vs. 7b). In seeking the Lord he removed everything detestable in his life that would bring a barrier in his relationship with God, repaired / worked on his broken relationship with God (2nd Chron. 15 vs. 8), and made a covenant with God (2nd Chron. 15 vs. 14). He was encouraged to continue the work on his relationship with God, because he believed Him faithful who was going to reward his efforts (2 Chron. 15 vs. 7).

However, towards the end he had become complaisant, took God for granted, forgotten all the wonders and good things God did for him, that when he needed help, he sought help elsewhere. In the end he was likened to a man who was running aimlessly (1 Corinth. 9 vs. 26), because one would wonder why all the original efforts if he wasn't going to press on till the finishing line. For I do not want to be that man that preached to many and yet did not qualify for the prize. Like the pace setters in long distance races that goes into strict training, end up leading the pack, only not to get to the finishing line.

Therefore, since the eyes of the Lord ranges throughout the earth to strengthen those who are for Him (1 Chron. 16 vs. 9), and show Himself strong, I too want Him to continue showing Himself strong and bringing to pass all His promises for me. For this reason, my plan for 2007 is to be a woman who pleases God so that He will always be with me (2 Chron. 15 vs. 2). So I pray Dear Lord, do not forsake me, even if I do all the time behave rubbishy; for indeed you are all I need.

So dear readers, we still have a couple of months still left, what plan do you have? Next time I will be touching on how I became successful. I know check me out, thinking am all that!!

UPDATE
I have joined the choir at the church in Verona..hehehe.. I couldn't bear the noise anymore, I am going to show and teach them how its supposed to be done. Had a wonderful first meeting with them yesterday, they know they sound VERY TERRIBLE and are willing to get whatever help needed.

We have started voice training and excercise. YIPPEE. I have just rememeberd I have been placed here for such a time as this. I didn't say I was a great singer, but I have sung in concerts with pros. So here to more work for God.lol.

Group of 23 South Korean Christians Kidnapped

This morning, for no reason at all, I was woken up to pray, but not in a langauge I could understand. All I remembered was the feeling of how weird it was.

I have now received an excerpt from the pastor of my church in manchester concerning:

Group of 23 South Korean Christians Kidnapped at Gunpoint by Taliban Deadline Extended to Tuesday Evening:

please keep them in your prayers. I have recently had this overwhelming feeling to pray more for the saints and the missionaries, and its sad to see this happen.

Please fellow bloggers, lets all pray a prayer of agreement that the Lord will show up for these people.

And like the 3 young Jews in the old testament said to King Nebuchadnezzar in - Daniel 3 vs. 16 -18 - "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." - , regardless of what they do, we will not stop worshipping our God.

So He Loves me Still

Jeremiah 31 vs. 3 - 4

3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, ^[Or LORD has appeared to us from afar^] saying:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

4 I will build you up again
and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel [life of a stranger].
Again you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful".

UNSUAL Places

So I promised posts from the lessons I’ve learnt previously, but I feel this one is more pertinent for today.

I had to move out of via brenerro very quickly. I had started getting hassled by the street chicas I meet at 11pm on my way home. They never physically attacked me, but they would stare me down and try to intimidate by breaking my walk as I walk on the pavement where they worked. I am told it’s because they think I’m trying to steal their spot. I had promised myself to find an apartment and leave, but I was too lazy to find one, couldn't understand a word of Italian - I have project deadlines no time - and instead of giving a landlord 3 months rent as a deposit, plus another huge amount to activate phone line, electric gas and water I would rather pay it towards my mortgage which I am yet to lease out. So as you can see I am a tight ward and playing with my life.. lolol.. Anyways I met this wonderful family who go out of their way to make sure I am happy - you remember my 21 yrs old friend. So her mum found me a room at her friend’s house, and I moved in. Shoot, all I pay is rent; I’ve given myself till October to find a very nice place.

So where was I,

Yes, it appears that these people I’m staying with found their way to Italy via the mountains of morocco, and because of their very poor poor background got involved with a madam that helped them come here. I remember thinking how far apart our worlds were, and how in normal circumstances I may / would never have walked with them. I pondered on this thought for a while, and I started to wonder was I so proud that I had to be brought down a peg or two, or did I think too much of myself that I am to be taught a lesson. I asked my mum this, and you know how mothers are, she said that I have always thought less of myself and the Lord was using this opportunity to show me how He has favoured me and how much He loves me that He has raised me so high. I felt a little better, but I never stopped thinking of this. I mean I should not judge, so I shouldn't be bothered what these people do with their lives, but then I remembered the saying...show me you companions and I'll tell you who you are..lolol..

So yesterday, it finally all made sense; remember the story of David?

In 1 Samuel 22 vs. 1 – 2 : – David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. When his brothers and his father's household heard about it, they went down to him there. 2 All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their leader. About four hundred men were with him – God had used the discontented, the ones with problems, in distress and debt to bless him. He used rejected people to bless David. These people's beginnings were nothing to talk of, yet God used them to secure David's destiny. Even though David was in a cave, hidden from the world - he was sought out. His destiny located him, the favour of God, His mercy and Grace located him. His light shone so brightly that his blessings located him.

I then realised that through my meetings with these people that God was moulding me so that I will be a blessing to others, and that I am in the right location at the right time. That He’s using these people to bless me; Like in Judges 11 vs. 3 - So Jephthah fled from his brothers and settled in the land of Tob, where a group of adventurers gathered around him and followed him - how God used the people Jephthah will not normally associate with to bless him. And that I am in the right place at the right time - Like the ordinary man in 2nd Samuel 6 vs. 6 - 12;10 He was not willing to take the ark of the LORD to be with him in the City of David. Instead, he took it aside to the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite. 11 The ark of the LORD remained in the house of Obed-Edom the Gittite for three months, and the LORD blessed him and his entire household - , whose house the ark of the Lord was left in, because his house just happened to be there.

Therefore, I thank God that He loves me so that He has given me much favour with everyone I meet, even if on the outside it may appear they have nothing to offer. So as I conclude my prayer is to ask God to continue His holding of my hand as I step into the great things He has in store for me in Jesus Name. Amen.

Hope you have a Great week. Mine has already started with a blast.

wait just a little while, its beautiful you'll see....I promise you.

I am encouraged, because God is ever present in my life, and teaching me lessons from whatever activities I undertake. I have always heard from my mum, pastors and friends that I just need to be patient, and its only a matter of "when" before my life as a wanderer is settled. However inspite of this some days were always more difficult than the others, and whenever I would speak negatively I hadn't really realised that I was giving the devil dominion over my words, which ultimately he would always try to use to defeat me.

This is a diversion from the posts I had promised but I really needed to post this. We had a visitor from seattle in our centre, and he was particularly interested in hiking. So I sugessted we go mountain climbing, however, we couldn't decide on time which one to go on, so on the day of the hike chose to climb mount bondone, very close to the village of sardania. We had taken the cable car for 700 meters to get to the village and decided to hike from there. Unbeknown to us (me), the walk was a very steep and dangerous one. Imagine climbing a 5000 storey sky scrapper using a stair case that had no bridges in between (well this example is pale in comparrison to what went on), carrying a back pack with drinks in it. Five minutes into the walk we had lost our path, ended up on another one and was literally walking throught the forest. 100 meters into the mountain hike, I was absolutely exhusted, and could no longer lift myself up. I decided to quit, stop and rest. And asked the rest to go on, while I returned to the cable car. But they encouraged me to walk on. Even at times, they slowed their speed, carried my back pack, which allowed me to find a stick to help with the walk. The walk was steep, slippery and most of the time we were at the edge of mountain, and if I lost my footing was defintaely going down.

Many times during the walk I would tell God, that if I were to fall and die, this would mean sucide cause He never sent me and I was uneccessary putting my life in danger. There were many times that I could no longer walk and gripped with fear, because we had lost the second path and was now in the middle of nowhere on the mountain and it didnt look like anyone had gone through the way we were going before. After 700meters up, 3 paths and 3hrs later we found a deserted village, and a resturant, that only fed people that had booked rooms with them. We found favour with them and they fed us. The next bus from there was in 5 hrs, so the group opted to continue to the top. I was very reluctant to follow them, but seing as I spoke no italian, I wasn't going to be left behind alone. The last walk was the most dangerous of all, but I made it to the top. When I got there, it was the most beautiful scene my eyes had ever behold.

For the first time in the walk, after 1,200meters climbed and 6hrs of solid climbing, the pain, the tears, the missed footings, the suicide watch, I had finally arrived, and it finally made sense. It was about enduring the walk, the journey, withstanding the pain, and forging ahead. The refusal to be intimidated, the bagages that slowed the pace of my walk, and the crying. The Fears, the indecisveness, the doubts, it finally all made sense. If I had stopped 100meters into my walk, I would never have seen what God had for me at the top.

As I got to the top, I realised that the hike wasn't all about me climbing the mountain of bondone, which had several peaks, but about the journey that is my life, and I had a new revelation. I have a destination, and its a beautiful one, but I just need to push that bit more, lift myself up just that one more, regardless of the weight / bagages I have been carrying, surround myself with encouraging people who are not willing to quit along with me, and know without a shadow of a doubt that I will get there, its only a matter of when. Yes I had heard this messages several times before, but for the first time it really made sense. It really applied to me, it was no longer a sermon, but a trully possible reality. This weekend was yet the best of them all. My end is expected, and wow what an end it would be.

Hope all is well with you, and you have been encouraged. I LOVE it when things like this happen. I sort of mentioned the message to my collegues, who obvioulsy are athiests, and I wasn't sure what they thought of it, but I KNOW what I think of it.

Have a supper week all. I Know I am.