Nwan my Love - sorry she played you!!

My good friend (& cousin - 6 times removed) just called me today - I haven't spoken to him in a while. The last time we spoke he was getting married and he had prayed concerning her and had peace of mind concerning her. He had asked her to marry him; she had agreed but was reluctant to fix a date. You see she was young, I'm told 23 and he was 36 yrs - Yes 36 - even the age difference shocked me. He loved her very much and she appeared to as well - but she was hesitant.

Why shouldn't she be hesitant - according to Miguel's "The games women play" he might have been a "fry pan" or a "grill" guy. He was successful and financially stable - And he wasn't going anywhere and she got whatever she wanted from him. A man that could be relied upon, a man with upstanding morals - but the reasons why the relationship should not work was glaring!!

He was devastated - He was hoping for a December traditional marriage but she was now leaving - She had toyed and left - she had got close to his mother and finally came out with it. "Our relationship will not work" she said - "I am catholic and he's protestant - the age difference is very much - we have nothing to talk about and we are not on the same level - He's too old for me and more mature than I am - I need to find me someone with a smaller age difference and interest".

Baby girl - didn't you know all this while you were dating? Didn't you know all this when you were spending his money?, hounding him day and night, telling him how much you love him and can't live without him?, sweet pea, didn't you realise this when your sisters and family friends told you at the beginning concerning the lack of common ground? - Why did you have to pull him in only to break this good man - who has always been on the good guy’s side. Can a woman ever tell of how he has hurt tricked and abused them? If there is one please say it loud!!

He has always been family orientated - worked to get his family off the ground - always too busy for himself but available for others - This was the one thing he wanted - you should have told him from the beginning. There is nothing wrong with what you did baby girl (breaking off the engagement), but it was the way you did it and the person you did it to.

It was not meant to be, but in the future don't play this game. You knew it would never work cause the reasons you outlined was always there from the beginning - you should have told him what you wanted him for and not used him to get what you wanted - only to dash him when you realised how serious he was. Baby girl you are far too young to play these games - If ever in doubt - Then stop - don't pretend!!

I hear another is about to take your place - I hope he will take his time - and not rush into bad rubbish.

Disclaimer – it makes you think – just because you have peace about someone you intend to propose to does not make them the right one. Sometimes it so obvious that that person is playing games!!

UPDATE -

I forgot to mention that Nwan my love is now married to the "Best Woman" in the world.. I love that girl mannnn, she is something else. He got married Jan 2007..... God is Faithfull my people.

Where is My MAN?!!!!!!

I had and still have a good friend whose sister was 6 years older than we were. We were in our late teens and we always wondered why she was still single. I always liked staying over at her sister’s place – she was always fun to be with – but all she ever talked about was men, relationships and men. We didn’t quite understand her, we always thought to ourselves – how can it be so difficult to find a man, when there were so many handsome men – Just strolling down the street – there were men galore – or is the dudes in the clubs – F- I- N- E. We always visualised ourselves by the age of 25 –married and settled and done everything we needed to have done – and the age we were then to be fun time age. We always had this look on our face that said her sister worried too much. Some years after that – I went to stay at her sisters place yet again – she was still doing the same talk routine. Men – relationships – men. She was slightly on the heavy side – and so we assumed that could be the reason why she was still not married at her age. As a last result – she started going to this Pentecostal church in North London – and left after many months – apparently the pastor had had an affair and appropriated some church fund. She was still searching for her Mr Right but she was now doing it in all the wrong places. At that time, I really never understood why she was still single – and why she was finding it difficult to find a man.

As the years progressed, so did my age, and I found myself again in the position I once found difficult to understand when I was a tad younger than I am now. Was in my mid twenties and very much single. As I looked around me – in my circle of friends – I found that they were all married / or were in a lasting relationship – All working for the Lord and enjoying the presence of their companion as they embraced the work of the Lord. I wasn’t sure if I was finding it difficult to accept – or was it the fact that it was always brought to my attention – but it appeared that I was always asked about it. Causing me to feel - when previously the thoughts had never crossed my mind. It got to a point the meetings I had with my pastors increased – I was having more regular meetings with my pastor than I would have expected. The topic – how are you feeling? Or how do you feel when you hear that J, T, K, Di, E, Da, and countless others were getting married – my answer would always remain I am very happy for them – and the Will of God is being realised in their life. For some of them – I had to pray with them and for them - for God to reveal and confirm to them that their partner was their partner – so I was very much present during the entire process of the courtship – Especially there during their highs and their lows – and I guess it was probably why the pastors insisted on seeing me on a more regular basis – concerning my relationships – or lack of it – It had to effect me in one way or the other – psychologically or emotionally. I was ripe to be categorised as a woman who might be if not desperate to settle down – I had many opportunities to feel sorry for myself. My mum who had been a lobbyist of the idea of me marrying at the age her sisters got married (30 yrs and above) – started her fasting and praying routine when it dawned on her that her daughter in her circle of friends was the only single left – She stepped up – changed her entire strategy – and was now lobbying must marry in mid to late twenties -

But I’m glad that even though some days might be difficult – The Word of the Lord says in Isaiah 34 vs. 16 -17 – “None of these will be missing, not one will lack her mate. For it is his mouth that has given the order, and his Spirit will gather them together. 17. He allots their portions; His hand distributes them by measure. They will possess it forever. And in Numbers 23 vs. 19 – He reassures us that He does not lie – and as He planned it so will it be and as He purposed it so will it stand [Isa 14 vs. 24; Isa 46 vs. 11; Isa 45 vs. 23; Jer 4 vs. 28 [end]; Jer 29 vs. 11], That He has not forgotten us – Isa 49 vs. 15-16 , that I will never be disappointed in Him [vs. 23 end], because the words that go out of His mouth concerning me/ us will not return to Him empty []Isa 54 vs. 11].

What do I mean by difficult – recalling and recanting the past – wondering why I had to go through what I had to go through – emotionally – men of no valour – His words tells me to forget what had happened in my past – and look forward to what He is doing, asking me if I still don’t see it [Isa 43 vs. 18-19] – that I had to go through what I went through cause He is teaching me what is best for me [Isa 48 vs. 17] – and He disciplines me because of His Love for me [Heb 12 vs. 6-7]. I am not saying that He is to be blamed for my mistakes or “wayo” men coming my way LOL – but I am saying that even in that He was and still is in control.

So even though – many would come to me and wonder why I’m still single – saying is it because she has read too much that she thinks she’s too good for our men, or she’s single because no man is good enough – my consolation is that the word of God tells me that I should not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults []Isa 51 vs7], and because He helps me I will not fear disgrace [Isa 50 vs. 7; Isa 54 vs. 4]. His time is the best time. It is better to wait and have what He has given to you, than to rush to take what He has not given to you. So celebrate your age. God only knows how to give good things – He can’t give bad things – so those days when you cry yourself to sleep – feeling sorry for yourself – think about how you are wasting useful tears that you could use when the time to rejoice arrives – because yes days might be hard – but as long as there is noon time and harvest time, as long as My God is on The Throne – what He has promised He will bring to pass – Yes it might seem too long – and yes you might ask the question why you and what makes you different from the others – The difference is YOU – you have been made differently – and Your portion is different – Remember He has caused your boundary line to fall on pleasant places for YOU and your lot already secure [Psalm 16 vs. 5-6]. So break up unploughed ground – Your season to be blessed has arrived. And the Lord has remembered you.

Its a interesting World!!

I had decided to put a very interesting perspective on life thus far – but I just couldn’t let this be. As I pondered on how to seek the answer to my question without it being an allegory, I finally decided that I needed help.

You might find this funny – I know I do!

I am a Nigerian as far as I’m concerned – I might not be a typical Nigerian who spent a lot of her grown up years in Nigeria but I have tried to make up for my inadequacies – I travel back to Nigeria annually – when I’m there I’ve tried to learn the local dialects so that I am not taken advantage of – tried to learn some Yoruba – It always comes in very useful – I’m not saying am an expert but I can get by - I can understand and speak Igbo – I’ve also started learning the pidgin English – I try to hang out more in the village – no point in staying in the cities [cause its all a learning experience] – Apart from the lack of electricity, bad road, running water, mosquito bites, police thieves, some wazup men – I believe I have slowly assimilated myself back to the system.

I also have a Nigerian passport. My father made sure he got us all one. Our Nigerian passports must have expired the first time I remember in the early or mid 90’s. My dad always had our Nigerian passports – So he never got round to renewing them – So in 2001 he decided to travel to Nigeria on a leave to stay for a year or more – and he remembered he had to renew our passport – We all had to go to the Nigerian embassy in London – I have never seen a place so disorganised in my entire life. We had got all the forms signed, every requirement met – but they refused to renew our passport – They made up one story or the other – I nearly lost my rag that day. So Finally my dad asked to see the guy in charge of the embassy – They had my dad waiting for hrs – my dad was cool and collected – I was looking for someone to run my mouth to – so finally he met the man – whom realised he knew my dad – they struck off a conversation – and within hrs all our passports were renewed.

My executive self have been asked to be chief-bridesmaid at my dear friend and cousin’s wedding – My passport expired august of this year – I really don’t want to have to go through everything that we went through just to get one passport – so I thought I should go get a visa – A friend adanna had applied for a Nigerian visa - even though she spent her entire secondary school terms in Nigeria – her visa application was denied – You can blatantly tell she’s Nigeria, she talks Nigerian, has a Nigerian name, but they declined her visa to go to Nigeria.

So what I’m I getting at – It looks like a Nigerian like me will have to apply for visa to go to Nigeria. They’ve asked I should bring invitation letter from Nigeria to show I will not go to Nigeria disappear, and not want to return – to show I have sufficient funds to stay in Nigeria and will not be a burden to Nigeria -

What if I choose to renew my passport – I need to get thumb print – do they still do that – and get someone in official government to watch me sign. My dad had always dealt with that side of things – but its time I try and deal with this myself. So this is where you guys come in. Please my blog friend – I need your advice – ibi like say – I no go return to Nigeria again o. My trip is planned for mid January – any chance any of this immigration issues be resolved before then?

Is she really out of her mind!!!

I'm about to tell you a story - A story that requires wisdom in order to advice appropriately -

Lets suppose a woman meets and falls in love with a good man, a godly man, who as far as he’s concerned has found his favour and is about to obtain favour from the Lord for doing so. He loves, adores and cherishes her - her happiness is his ultimate ambition and one of her things about him - is she loves the way he loves her - But here is the catch.

He is very successful, and even though he’s a transatlantic kinda guy, he lives and has his base in Nigeria. His business is in its infancy, and only requires a few more years to reach its full potential, where possibly another branch could be opened outside of nigeria. He does have an intention to live outside Nigeria and have given the woman an option of choosing where she would like them to settle, so that they can discuss and choose a likely outcome. He wants them to have a relationship where they are together and her career is not affected.

Now the woman is very successful at what she does, is world renowned (scientist – in her field – the youngest black and only black individual in her field) – People have always tagged her to be one of the Nobel Lauriets for example of the future – is published in prestigious journals and is about to be employed as an associate professor on a tenure track post. Her ideas are ground breaking and her fellow scientists look out for her work to see what journals her papers appears to find out if she is slacking or on track.

She is also a mighty woman of God – A woman who knows and understands her role as a support to her husband and help mate. She has modelled herself on the wife of a noble character told in Proverbs 31 vs. 10 and has always believed that her husband will be her master as Sarah called her husband Abraham master – she believes her role as a wife is beside her husband and would not be separated from her husband for any length of time - she sees her position and achievements as blessings not as a result of her intelligence, she has never been career orientated and therefore has always held everything she has lightly. Her parents are very proud of her, especially her mother, who goes about and speaks to total strangers about her beloved daughter. She is 26, and her mother is not just about to let her go, because not only is she her mother’s daughter but her best friend too. Her mother would like her married (some day – what mother wouldn’t) – but not just yet – she is not mentally prepared to let her go. She is the eldest daughter of a large family unit – and her family love and adore her – she is not just a sibling to them – but she is a blessing to them – She is a deacon in her church – a woman very respected by her pastors and by the entire congregation - she is involved in every church department – and because she devotes her time to God – God devotes His time to her – To sum it up she is a woman of favour.

Now she is in-love with this man – she is in the process of finding if he is her master and lord. She would also love her mother and siblings and her pastors to agree on this and believes that when the time comes they will all agree – but it appears that the process is taking longer to resolve. When she makes her decision she would want to move to Nigeria to be with him (her husband – instead of waiting for the business to mature - that may take some time) – she would also have to have a career change – you see her field is very new even in the western world and is only gathering pace there – She would be seen as a wasted talent if she does move – but IS HE WORTH IT?? –

The time is almost here, she is about to make a decision – a decision no one wants to hear – Is she out of her mind?? –